Is it fair to ask others to put your needs before their own, just to keep you from being bored?
A netizen recently asked, Am I a jerk for wanting my wife to stay up during a road trip and talk to me? We need your opinion on the matter.
Backstory:
OP wrote this right now at the hotel where he’s because he feels he’s genuinely at a loss for words. He doesn’t think he’s in the wrong, but at the same time, she looks annoyed at him.
What Does OP Way
OP says, “My wife, I, and our 2-year-old are going on our first family road trip to California.”
What Happened On The Road Trip?
They rotate driving in shifts, but the problem is that when OP was driving, his shift fell during the night, and so he was feeling really lonely and bored as he was driving.
What Does OP Say
OP says, “I’m not someone who can be left to his thoughts very well, and I need people around me, I thrive on energy and excitement. My wife is a bit of the opposite. She’s generally fine with being left alone and can sit quietly for hours and hours upon end.”
What Was The Problem?
The problem was that around 11:00 p.m., OP was driving, and his wife and their son were in the backseat. OP was feeling isolated, so he shook her awake, but then their son woke up, and well, you can probably guess what happens next.
What Does OP Say?
OP says, “Once he quieted down, my wife began to quietly blow up at me about how much of a jerk I was being. I told her it wasn’t fair for her to sleep like that, making me feel like a driver. She then said that she doesn’t force me to stay awake or engage with her.
What Else Did He Tell
“Still, I told her that that was a cheap blow because we’re not the same people, and I kept my mouth shut while she was driving because I know she doesn’t like distractions even though it bothered me terribly, so the least she could do is to stop being selfish and help keep me sane.”
What Happened Next?
According to OP, despite his perfectly logical answer, his wife apparently got emotional. Then she started to whisper screaming some things about how raising one toddler is hard enough and that she didn’t know there was another one in the car who needed his whims catered to at every moment, and at that point, since she got rude, OP decided to disengage.
Now their whole trip is falling apart and she’s making OP out to be the bad guy.
You Know It’s Her Turn To Drive Next, Right?
“How can your wife safely drive during her shift if she’s tired from staying up and talking to you? Podcast, music, phone a friend- SOMETHING. Your wife probably carries most of the mental load when caring for your toddler. The least you could do is let her sleep.”
Heard Of Podcast, Music, Audiobooks, Etc?
“Play a podcast or music like everyone else and let your tired wife sleep!” Said one.
“Always download an audiobook, maybe two. There are a lot of free ones on YouTube.” Another added.
It’s Not Like You Needed Help To Stay Awake
“Why is your need more important than hers? It would be one thing if you needed help staying awake, but it seems you were just bored because you can’t entertain yourself (try an audiobook or podcast?), and that makes you a jerk.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.