Getting married is a big decision, and it’s important to be on the same page with your partner about many things, including finances. If you and your fiancé have very different spending habits, it can lead to conflict and resentment.

An internet user asked, Will I be a jerk for calling off a wedding because my fiancé is extremely frugal? We need to know your opinion on the matter. 


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OP (31F) struggles with her fiancé’s (32M) frugalness and is not sure if she wants to marry him anymore after a 3-year relationship.

OP met her fiancé 3 years ago. He came out of an abusive marriage just 2 years before they met. One of his ex’s absolute abuses was financial. She bled him dry. Made him buy expensive jewelry only to give it away or break it after an argument. Designer shoes, clothes, big house cars… Caribbean trips. you name it, she made him pay for it. She also took him to the cleaners in the divorce. 

OP’s Fiance’s Financial Background 

too much money man
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However, OP’s fiancé is very well off. He makes far over 6 figures, almost 7. On top of that, he inherited a few million from his grandfather and his parents gifted him and his siblings also a few cool million. 

So yes, the financial abuse was bad, but he does not suffer financially. He has more money than he will ever need.

What Happened Last Year?

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So, last year, OP moved into his house. She does not pay rent, but she splits the bills and buys food. She pays for her clothes and jewelry. She has a good job and she can take care of herself. However, things have been taking a turn for the worse and OP feels miserable. 

His house was empty when OP moved in. He had handed her down furniture. Maybe 3 forks and 2 knives. He wouldn’t put on the heating so the house felt cold and moldy. He has no curtains, no decorations. His ex took everything not bolted down and he was too cheap to replace it. Just imagine a million-dollar house like that!

The Problem Begins 

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OP feels grateful that she can live in his house. It is something she could never afford. But she didn’t want to live in squalor! So she bought some kitchen supplies and some furniture…but at some point, she realized she was dipping in her savings all the time, and he did nothing. OP looked into the curtains but those things are expensive. His house has so many windows it is crazy. OP didn’t want to pay for this anymore. 

OP’s Demands & Her Fiancé’s Reaction 

Young Asian handsome couple fighting and shouting because of financial dept and unpaid bills due
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OP told him she needed a fund to furnish his house. He blew up at OP that she was just with him for his money. OP pointed out all the money she spent on his house. The gifts and the trips because he pays for nothing ever. Because he wants to be sure OP is not here for the money. 

OP says, “The fact is, if we break up I have nothing… The house is not mine. If I spend all my savings on his house I will be left with absolutely nothing!  He wants a prenup and I am fine with that but I can’t help but feel used.”

OP’s Jealousy: Fair Enough, Or Not?

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Next to that, OP is jealous of his ex-wife. OP feels like she got treated, and OP is neglected. OP’s fiance proposed to his ex on a cruise with a 10.000 dollar white gold diamond ring. OP got the rhodium-plated Swarovski stuff that might cost like 100 bucks. The proposal was at a picnic in the park OP organized, paid groceries for, and slaved in the kitchen for. OP almost said no out of pure disappointment. 

OP says, “However, I am afraid to bring it up and to be called a golddigger. I don’t want to be funding a millionaire’s lifestyle. He loves everything as long as I pay for it. As soon as he has to pay it is frivolous, unnecessary…”

OP’s Concerns

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OP can live like a poor person by herself. At least the fact there are literally millions lying around doesn’t hang over her to bum her out. And she would just be paying for her own lifestyle. 

“Will I be a jerk for calling off a wedding purely for financial reasons? Because I love this man, but I imagine our cheap wedding in contrast to his ex her extravaganza, will our future kids be able to have some luxuries? Or only if I pay for it? What if I ever become a stay-at-home mom? Will I have to beg to put the heating on?” Asks OP. 

Just Go Tell Him How You Feel

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“Not the jerk. Just say, “I understand you’ve had some trauma in your past and I’m sorry you went through that. But I can’t allow you to mistreat me because of it. It burns me up inside that you gave her everything, but I have to beg for the bare minimum. I deserve to feel cherished by my partner, as I have cherished you.”.” 

Insist On Premarital Counseling, Or Just Let Others Experience How You Live

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Counseling. Insist on premarital counseling. He is reacting to his divorce and his feelings about it by taking it out on you. Don’t spend another dime on him or his house. But I do suggest you two do some entertaining. Invite his family and friends over. Your family and friends. If he wants you to pay half do so, but only within your budget. Invite 20 people over to sit on the floor and eat frozen lasagna and drink crystal light off paper plates. Without heat or air conditioning. Open the curtains and shed light on how you live.”

Looks Like A Valid Reason To Leave!

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“This is a completely valid reason to break up. He’s allowing his past trauma to dictate your entire relationship and it doesn’t seem like he is interested in changing. Leave now and go enjoy living in an affordable apartment decorated to your taste.” 

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