Custody battles can be some of the most difficult and emotional experiences that a family can go through. When two parents separate or divorce, they must often decide who will have primary custody of their children. This can be a complex and contentious process, as both parents may have strong feelings about wanting to raise their children.
The world is full of weird people, and we found one such incident online. A husband is terrified of his wife’s behavior and what she considers normal for revenge. It is pretty shocking!
Backstory
OP’s wife (37F) and he (38M) moved to a new neighborhood about three years ago with their two kids (8 & 6). Their neighbors across the street have two kids (9 & 7) whom their kids quickly became friends.
They would hang out with the parents as well, and his wife became close friends with the mom. The dad and OP got along fine but never as close as his wife and the mother.
What Happened A Year Ago?
Unfortunately, about a year ago, the parents separated, and the mom filed for divorce.
OP says, “Apparently, the dad had an affair. The mom moved out as the house was owned by the dad before they got married. She took the kids with her. According to my wife, the mom tried to get full custody of the kids, but the dad asked for it and was granted partial custody.
So he has the kids 3 weekends a month; the rest of the time, they stay with their mom. I’ve only very briefly talked with the dad about the whole thing as he obviously feels a lot of shame about the affair, and we aren’t close enough for me to feel I can ask deep questions about it.”
What OP’s Wife Had Been Doing All This While?
The kids all still play together when they can. OP noticed his wife would make it a point to make sure their kids invited them over to their house. He also noticed that his wife was asking the neighbor kids some pretty odd and honestly rather intrusive questions about their dad.
Like if he has “friends” over at his house when they are there. What he feeds them, what rules he has at home, do they feel safe there, etc.
What Does OP Say
OP says, “This past weekend, the kids were at our house and stayed over for dinner, and my wife asked the kids if they like hanging out with their dad or mom more. I cut in before the kids could answer and changed the subject to watching a movie after dinner. As my wife and I were cleaning up, I asked her what the hell all the questions were about.”
The Conversation Between OP and His Wife
When OP asked her what’s going on, she said that her friend is still trying to get full custody of their kids, and she asked OP’s wife if she would keep an eye out for anything that she could use to build the case against the dad. OP was shocked.
What Does He Say
He says, “I told her that’s none of our business, and she needs to stay out of it. I told her it seemed like her friend was still upset about the affair and was using that anger as justification to try and take the kids away from their father.
I told her that neither of us had ever seen anything to indicate that this guy was a bad father. Sure, he had an affair that makes him a bad husband, but that has zero influence on his ability to be a good loving father. I told her what her friend asked her to do was gross, and the fact that she’s going along with it is something that I strongly disagree with. I told her she needs to mind her own business.”
What Did She Say
OP’s wife said she’s just trying to look out for her friend and she’s trying to make sure that the kids end up in a situation that is best for them. He told her that spying on their neighbor is not her responsibility and she was wrong for asking the kids the kind of questions she was. She feels she’s completely justified, but OP does not.
OP wants to know if he’s being the jerk here. Let’s see what others think.
Ultimately, The Kids Shall Suffer
“Putting the kids in the middle and using them as a weapon to hurt the father is not best for them. Even if he is a jerk.” said one.
“Those poor kids are gonna end up with serious trust issues.” another added.
Someone’s In The Wrong Direction
“Your wife is way out of line.” said one.
“And more importantly, doesn’t see that she’s way out of line. OP, you realize that if you two ever got divorced this is the level of viciousness she considers pretty normal.” replied another.
There’s No Point Now
“And her friend is wasting her time. Custody has been granted, and it sounds like an entire fight and legal ruling by a judge as mom tried to get full custody and dad was granted three weekends.
In most places in the US, unless there’s a substantial change of circumstances, you can’t just get back in front of the judge for a re-do. She could be appealing but unusual.
Her having your wife interrogate the kids is most likely against the parenting agreement/ruling. She could help lose her friend time if the father can prove the continued violations of the agreement (badgering the kids for info).”
It’s Wrong On So Many Levels
“Using the kids as pawns in a divorce is wrong. And that’s what your wife is doing on behalf of her friend.
Ask her how she’d feel if someone asked your kids those questions. Ugh!
Being there for her friend is one thing. But grilling the kids with an agenda of uncovering “dirt” on their dad should be off the menu. And don’t think that the kids won’t notice the odd questions and eventually say something to their dad about it. Your wife’s friend may find that it all backfires directly on her and affects her custody situation negatively.”
Inform The Father
“If your wife can’t be trusted not to act as a spy (and even influence those kids), and she won’t stop interacting with them because of the playdates, then you should at least inform the father.”
“Please tell the father. It’s his kids; he should be aware. Your wife is being intrusive and can get the kids in trouble.”
This, Right Here, Is PARENTAL ALIENATION
“Your wife is doing more than spying. She is contributing to parental alienation, and the dad would be within his rights to seek a court order barring contact between the kids and his wife. I also agree with you and not your wife that the divorce, being resolved, has nothing to do with custody or visitation.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio