Imagine your partner wants to bring one of their parents home and help them cheat on the other parent!
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for not wanting my boyfriend’s father to come visit and bring a ‘friend’?”. We need you to look into this matter.
The Original Poster (OP)(29f) and her boyfriend (34m) have been together for about two years. OP has only met his dad for a single day, in person, as they live across the country from each other.
“We live on the west coast, his parents are on the east coast.”, says OP.
DAD NEEDS A BREAK
Now OP’s boyfriend’s dad and mom are still married and living together. OP’s boyfriend spoke about offering his dad a place to stay (a week) to come for a visit. His dad said, “he needed a break” and wanted to come, and some dates were discussed.
THE REAL ISSUE
Two nights ago, OP got a call from her boyfriend. He told OP that his dad was still planning on coming and told her the dates around when he wanted to come. Without asking me, he also said that his dad would bring his “girlfriend.”
OP GETS UNCOMFORTABLE
She (OP) immediately became uncomfortable for many reasons. First, for the sheer moral of things, his parents are still together. For other reasons, which OP explained to her boyfriend.
“I don’t know this person, and I haven’t heard about them since that night when I was informed, not asked if it was okay. Honestly, I’m not comfortable having a random stranger in my house with my pets and my belongings,” says OP.
BOYFRIEND’S INDIFFERENCE TO OP’S TRAUMA
OP has had a very high level of trauma in the past when it came to her safe space, and people are not welcome breaching that. OP’s boyfriend keeps trying to make her feel bad about the situation and sees nothing wrong with his dad inviting some random person.
OP SAYS NO
She (OP) told her boyfriend that if his dad came and wanted to bring said friend, then they could get a hotel because, again, she’s on the lease for their place, and OP doesn’t consent to a stranger being in her house, even if they came with someone they did welcome. She told him that his dad was welcome to stay when it was discussed, and there was no discussion of any third party.
OP’s boyfriend is now trying to gaslight her, saying she has no respect for his family, which OP laughed at because OP’s boyfriend, in theory, is helping his dad cheat on his mom, which again is not okay with OP and in her home.
THE ONGOING DRAMA
They’ve been fighting about this for days. OP told her boyfriend that his lack of concern about the situation has revealed a side of his character that she disagrees with and doesn’t like, leading her to question their future together.
OP doesn’t feel like he respects her or her wishes because he’s arguing with her and doesn’t care what OP has to say since he didn’t ask but told her this was happening.
AT THIS POINT
It came to a point where OP needed to know if she was the jerk that she threatened her boyfriend. If his dad showed up with this person, despite their relationship, OP would call the police for having someone in her house that she doesn’t know and doesn’t allow, which would cause more issues than anyone needs.
OP SEEKS ADVICE
“At this point, I need advice. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even feel like I have any say because it sounded like my boyfriend already told his dad it was okay and is now making me out to be the bad guy, which, again, I don’t care about.
I told my boyfriend again that the invitation was for his dad and his dad alone, which still stands, but it wasn’t an open invitation for some random person. I will have no part in his father cheating on his mother.
I don’t know what else to do, and my relationship keeps going downhill due to my boyfriend’s actions and how I feel like he’s been treating me and things involving our day-to-day life. Am I a jerk?” asks OP.
NO IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE
“No is a complete sentence. It’s concerning how your boyfriend thinks cheating is no big deal. It shows his potential to cheat on you and not even bat an eye. Maybe you should tell his mom. Although that would have repercussions for your relationship.”
THAT’S YOUR HOME
“Not the jerk. That’s your home, and you don’t have to let in anyone you don’t want to.
I’d be seriously concerned that your boyfriend is enabling his dad to cheat on his mom like that. If his dad cheating on his mom isn’t a problem for him, then why should he have any problem with cheating on you?”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.