When things get really intense, we might say something painful, even if we didn’t intend to.
A user asked, Am I wrong for telling my sister that a comment she made is precisely why her marriage crashed and burned?
Backstory
The Original Poster’s (OP) sister has been staying with OP’s husband and OP (men in their late 20s) for the last week, and some change. She and her husband have initiated the divorce process, and she said she doesn’t want to stay alone right now, which OP understands entirely. Going from living with a partner to a completely silent house would be hard.
What Does OP Say
OP says, “I opened our home to her before discovering why her marriage didn’t work out.
I’m a little uncomfortable now that we have had multiple conversations about it. There was no infidelity. There was no big scandal. She told me that her husband wasn’t sleeping with her enough.”
What Does OP Think?
According to OP, the things she has been saying have floored him.
OP says, “She says they were just like roommates without being physical. She said she had been pushing for him to get a hormone imbalance test done because it wasn’t enough while they still had a physical relationship.
She said he had begun resisting even normal touches from her because, from his perspective, all she thought about was doing it, which isn’t true… I’m not sure I believe that. I can elaborate in the comments, but overall it just left me feeling sad for her ex and the disrespect of saying that a physical relationship is the only thing that separates a partner from a roommate. Not even a friend.”
OP Has Supported
OP has done his best to be supportive but can’t relate to the thought process. According to OP, if his partner told him tomorrow that he wasn’t up for being physical for the next few weeks, months, or longer, he would take care of himself and respect that. He loves and wants him to be the person he lives with forever.
What Happened Last Night?
This all came to a head last night. OP’s husband and OP were having a typical lazy Saturday night, catching up on some shows and chatting while we lounged on the couch.
His legs were in OP’s lap, and OP was absentmindedly massaging his feet and rubbing his ankles. This was an innocent gesture. Her sister came in, saw OP doing it, and made a joke along the lines of “Ah, OP, I didn’t know you were into feet” The exact wording escapes OP.
What Does OP Say
OP says, “I couldn’t help but feel put off by her objectifying the gesture. Intimacy CAN be physical, but it doesn’t have to be. I told her so and then said, referring to her divorce, “You objectifying every interaction is why you’re in the current situation. She called me a jerk and left the room. I know it was a little harsh, but I’m unsure if it was tough love or too much.”
OP wants to know if he is a jerk. What do you think?
Here is what Redditors think of this situation
It Is A Serious Problem
“You are a jerk. First, you took her comment too seriously and used it to unleash your judgment of her. Second, you are entirely downplaying her issue in her marriage.
A lack of physical intimacy is a valid reason to end a marriage. I suggest you head over to dead bedrooms to gather how much intimacy deprivation can affect a person, a relationship, and a marriage. It’s one thing to think you could weather a month or two without physical intimacy. How would you deal with a lifetime?”
You Are NOT a Jerk
“No, you are wrong. That is a weird thing to say to your sibling, and thinking every time you touch your partner, it has to be for sensual reasons is screwed up. You probably could’ve been nicer, but that’s a weird thing to say”
Everyone Is A Jerk
“It’s weird that your sister commented that objectifies her brother. That’s strange. However, why did you have to bring her failed marriage into it? She confided in you, you disagreed, and you threw it in her face. There are so many ways you could have expressed your concerns about her reasons for her divorce without attacking her.”
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