A user took to the forum and asked, “Am I wrong for admitting I regret having children?”
Backstory:
A couple, both 42 years old, are currently in marriage counseling due to their struggling relationship after having children. Their two children, six-year-old twins, have caused great stress and conflict in the marriage.
The Original Poster (OP), the husband, in particular, has been working through his resentment towards his wife after they decided to have one more baby, resulting in twins’ birth. One of the twins was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD, which further compounded the couple’s difficulties.
During a marriage counseling session, OP was asked by the counselor if he would have children again if given a chance to start over.
What Did OP Respond?
OP responded with an honest “no.” He added that although he loves his children and would do anything to protect them, he does not feel that fatherhood has been the fulfilling experience that others claim it to be.
OP said that before having children, he had a much happier life and now feels that the sacrifices he made as a father are not worth it. He now finds himself going through the motions of each day, working a job he hates to provide for his family while silently wishing for a different life.
What Happened Next?
OP’s wife was furious and took it the wrong way and even told their 6-year-old that OP wished that they were never born, which made him livid. OP believes it is inappropriate to say something like that to a child.
OP feared that the marriage could not be salvaged, and he believed that his wife would attempt to use the situation to her advantage in divorce court by seeking sole custody, claiming everything, and deceiving the children whom OP still loves and wishes to remain a father to.
It is believed that she cannot comprehend that one can love their child and still feel that parenting was not the right decision for them. OP asks, “am I the a..hole for saying it?”
Was OP correct to say he regrets having children? Was it inappropriate for OP’s wife to go and spill that to the kids? How would you have reacted in this situation?