Do you think a couple must fix their wedding date only after their immediate family’s approval?
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for refusing to fix a wedding date without consulting our parents?”. We need to hear your thoughts.
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster’s (OP’s)(26M) and his girlfriend (26F), Sarah, have been dating for a few years now.
PARENTS TAKE ON THE RELATIONSHIP
“Our parents are fine with the relationship, and there were no issues at all.”, says OP.
THE WEDDING DATE ISSUE
OP asked Sarah’s hand for marriage today, and she said yes. She appeared excited enough for it, and then the conversation turned to what date they should perform the wedding.
“I told her that we can fix a date after consulting both of our parents, and she appeared surprised.”, says OP.
SARAH’S VIEWPOINT
Sarah asked OP why he wanted to consult the parents. They could fix the date among them and then inform them that they were getting married that day.
WHAT DID OP TELL HER?
OP told her he wouldn’t do that and said it’s not as if they’d refuse it anyway.
“They’ve already approved the relationship, but it’s important to consult them before setting a date,” says OP.
TENSION ESCALATES
Sarah attempted to convince OP to decide it themselves as it was “their life,” but when he refused point-black to entertain her, she accused OP of being a “momma’s boy” and that OP couldn’t think for himself.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Next, Sarah got up and left and has not contacted OP since.
“It’s been a few hours now. Am I a jerk?” asks OP.
IT’S SUPER COMMON TO DO THAT
“Not the jerk. It’s common to check in with important guests before settling on a date for something like a wedding. It’s also common not to settle on a final date until you confirm availability with your preferred venue.
I don’t know what your fiance is about, but if this is how she deals with conflict, you should pause wedding planning until you two learn how to communicate better.
YOU NEED TO GROW UP
“She is right! Grow up. You are forming a family with your significant other. Both of your families are now extended family members; their opinions do not count more than hers. If you aren’t ready for that, you aren’t ready for marriage.
Your significant other wants to marry an independent adult male. Not a child who needs to clear things with mommy.”
YOU WRECKED THE WHOLE THING
“You’re the jerk. I was leaning towards everyone in the wrong, but you should not have refused to discuss it with her first; that was foolish and stubborn.
Of course, you’ll want both families to be there, but you wrecked the whole thing by refusing to discuss it without talking to your parents.”
LOOKS LIKE THERE ARE UNDERLYING ISSUES
“Not the jerk. Not cool if either family can’t attend because they might already have plans they can’t change on those dates, and given how she called you ‘Momma’s boy,’ it seems like there are other underlying issues around your parents that make her look for reasons to start this kind of argument.”
THAT’S BASIC COURTESY
“Not the jerk. It’s customary to check with close relatives and people you want in the wedding party if there are any dates they can’t do.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.