Your unresolved mental issues don’t give you a pass for being inconsiderate towards others, do they?

A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for leaving the room while my girlfriend was crying?”. Here’s the whole story for you to conclude:


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The Original Poster (OP) (34M) and his girlfriend “Sally” (30F) have been together for over two years. When OP was a child, he went through an incredibly traumatic event.

“Due to this trauma, I can not stand the sound/sight of people crying,” says OP. 


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If someone sniffles and has a couple of tears, then OP is okay. 

“However, if someone breaks down sobbing, it can cause panic attacks/flashbacks,” says OP. 


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Sally is fully aware of OP’s trauma, but OP thinks she never really seemed to take it seriously.

“She’s not very emotional, so this fact has never caused an issue until now,” says OP. 


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A few days ago, Sally came over to OP’s house unannounced. She frantically told OP that her beloved dog of thirteen years passed away. She then started crying heavily and latched onto OP for support. 


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OP completely froze, pushed her off of himself, and told her he couldn’t be around her right now. He went into the bathroom and sat on the floor to calm down.

“Sally continued to cry/scream at me through the door and called me a jerk!” says OP. 


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Sally then left and is currently giving OP the silent treatment. 

“I feel like a horrible partner because I wasn’t there when my girlfriend needed me, but I don’t mean to be inconsiderate. Am I a jerk?” asks OP. 


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“Honestly, you’re the jerk for being in a relationship when you aren’t mentally ready. Having a partner means supporting them through hard times, drying their tears, and helping them calm down. 

You need more time in therapy to find a proper way to address a relationship before you hurt any other girl who gets pushed away when they need help the most.” 


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“How do you expect to make a relationship work if you can’t be around her when she’s crying? It’s awful that you have issues, but it’s also your responsibility to work on them so they don’t ruin your relationship.”


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“You’re the jerk. Get some therapy. Crying is a widespread occurrence, and while it’s fully valid that it is a trigger for you if it has been a trigger since childhood, then you absolutely should be getting therapy (should have already done it probably) so that you are capable of emotionally supporting people when they need it. 

You may not want kids, but if you ever want to be in a healthy relationship, you will need to be able to handle the other person crying sometimes.” 


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“I’m sorry, but you need to work through this. Your life partner, friends, family, and especially any children in your life will sometimes cry uncontrollably. It’s a fact you’re going to have to come to terms with, and the fact that you can’t say you’re not ready for a life partner.” 


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“If you seriously pushed your distraught partner off you and went off to hide from her, you’ve been awful so hard. You’re an adult. Get therapy.” 


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“No jerks here, but you need to finish therapy or at least start it. Learn some coping skills. Face this head-on. You will be around a crying partner who needs your support in a relationship. If you aren’t willing to work on this, you don’t deserve a long-term partner.”

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