When visiting someone’s home, it is important to be mindful of one’s speech. People have different preferences and lifestyles, which should be respected.
A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for kicking only my SIL out, which meant she had to fly home early from vacation?”. Read the complete story to know who is wrong here.
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster (OP) (29F) has a half-brother, James (37). James is married to Lindsay (35), and they have two kids, 4f and 2m.
OP invited James, Lindsay, and the kids to visit her that past week, and they were meant to stay until next Friday.
WHAT’S THE ISSUE?
Lindsay and OP have always got on fine, except that OP feels Lindsay always had a weird attitude to her being a SAHW/M.
WHAT DID LINDSAY KEEP ASKING?
She always asks OP if she would ask her husband before making non-essential purchases if she feels bad relaxing while her husband is working, or suggests she do things for her husband as a ‘thank you’ to him since she was apparently not doing anything else.
WHAT WERE OP’S THOUGHTS ON THIS?
OP says that she knows that James and Lindsay are big on splitting costs, and while he pays for everything for both kids, he won’t pay for Lindsay, despite making about 25 times her salary.
Being that, that’s the relationship they’re happy with. OP just rolls with the comments because her marriage must look weird to Lindsay.
THE REAL ISSUE STARTED
But OP says that there is a line. A few days ago, they sat on their rooftop drinking wine after the kids went to bed.
Lindsay admired the view and commented about how much their apartment cost. She assumes that James must have told her and asked if OP’s name was on the deed.
WHAT DID LINDSAY SAY?
She then said, ‘Half of (X amount) penthouse just for lying on your back? Sleeping with a husband is way more lucrative than she thought.
WHAT WAS THE REACTION OF OTHERS?
Both her husband and James laid into her for the comment. OP was obviously furious and told Lindsay first thing in the morning she had to get out.
OP was clear that she wasn’t staying here after speaking to her like that, especially when she wasn’t even apologetic.
HOW DID OP FEEL?
OP felt bad for ruining James and the kids’ trip, but both she and her husband were too angry to have Lindsay there.
WHAT DID LINDSAY DO NEXT?
The next morning, Lindsay asked if she could stay. She said James wasn’t willing to end the trip early and wanted to stay, but she couldn’t afford to stay in a local hotel.
Lindsay blamed her comment, but her apology/explanation seemed insincere and was clearly based on having no choice.
WHAT WAS OP’S THOUGHTS?
OP told Lindsay that even if she did mean it, she just needed some space from her and didn’t want her around after what she said because when put on top of what she’s been saying for years, it’s evident that’s what she thinks.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
James then said he wasn’t paying for her hotel because it was her own actions that got her kicked out, and she would have to fly home early, and he’d fly back with the kids as planned, which is what happened.
Lindsay has since laid into her over text and social media for forcing her to go home early without her kids.
WHAT WAS OTHER’S OPINION?
Both OP’s mother and James have said she was wrong for kicking Lindsay out.
James’s mother said OP should have just let her stay for James’s sake and not invited them back.
OP’s mother said that she should have kicked all of them out because now Lindsay has to be away from her kids.
OP’S FINAL THOUGHTS
OP doesn’t think she was a jerk for kicking out the person who commented, but not the person who defended her and innocent kids.
She asks if she handled it like a jerk.
LINDSAY HAS MUCH TO SAY
“Lindsay has too much to say about a relationship she is not a part of.”
HE COULD HAVE PAID FOR THE HOTEL
“If James thought her action was not that bad and your reaction was unreasonable, then he could have paid for a hotel for her or also leave with the kids and go home together with her.
But obviously, he was fine with you kicking her out and hasn’t done any of this. Does anybody think he is a jerk? Or your husband, who didn’t disagree with you kicking her out? You are not a jerk, of course!”
NO ONE DESERVES TO BE SPOKEN THAT WAY
“I don’t understand family members who refuse to let the guilty party live with the consequences of their actions. Your SIL ran her mouth one too many times, and her latest comment earned her an early exit. No one deserves to be spoken to the way she speaks to OP.”
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