Having a child after multiple miscarriages certainly makes you emotionally unavailable. However, that’s no excuse for spoiling your child and making him feel like he’s entitled to anything and everything in this world!
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for telling my sister her son is only special to her?”. We need to hear your thoughts on the matter.
Backstory
The Original Poster (OP) (f26) has 3 older siblings. This is about her oldest sister “Abby” (f37).
Abby has a son (5) and OP has a daughter (1). Abby dealt with years of fertility issues and had probably 10+ miscarriages. Then she had her son and of course, he was Abby’s miracle rainbow baby, they were so happy for her.
What Does OP Say
“But then it leads to Abby spoiling her son and letting him get away with everything because he’s a ‘miracle’ and he’s ‘special’. Everyone has always bit their tongue when it comes to her son because of that.”, says OP.
What Happened On Saturday?
On Saturday, OP had her daughter’s first birthday party. It was mostly family and a few of her close friends were invited. OP invited Abby and her son because everyone else in their family was invited so she felt bad excluding her. They had different activities for the kids to do. Abby’s son didn’t like any of them.
“He was upset that none of the presents were for him. He didn’t want to eat any of the food we had. He then decided to try and push the cake off the table because apparently, he was mad the cake wasn’t his.”, says OP.
The Argument Ahead
OP got super upset at Abby for allowing her son to act that way.
She went on to say her son is special. OP said her son is only special to her, which is understandable. But to everyone else, he’s a spoiled brat, which shouldn’t be overlooked because he was your special miracle baby. Abby called OP a jerk and left crying.
What Does OP Say?
“A few family members have since called me a jerk because I’ve never dealt with a miscarriage so I don’t understand how painful it was for Abby to deal with years of that before her son.
It’s not that I don’t realize her son is special to her but it doesn’t give the excuse for Abby to allow him to act like a spoiled brat.”, says OP.
You Are 100% Correct
“Not the jerk, and you are 100% correct. While he is her miracle baby, no one else in the world is going to coddle him except her, and she is raising him to be a spoiled entitled brat which will only bring him issues later in life.
He needs some manners and discipline and your sister needs a wake-up call. What is she going to say to the police when he gets arrested for his bad behavior? But officer, he’s my miracle baby, he didn’t mean to steal/assault someone/whatever stupid thing he did because he thinks he can get away with it. She should realize this now than when he’s older and there are real-life consequences to his actions.”
That’s A Road To Disaster
“Not the jerk. Being a ‘rainbow baby’ isn’t an excuse to be terrible. Your sister is neglecting parenting her child because of the difficulty in having him. That’s a road to disaster. A strong wake-up call was needed.”
She Needed A Wake-Up Call
“Not the jerk. What you said was harsh but it sounds like it’s what she needs to hear. When things cool down you might apologize for saying it in a mean way, but that you do mean what you said – she is so focused on how ‘special’ he is that she is hurting other people – and she certainly isn’t doing him any favors. You may point out that when he starts school, none of the other kids are going to care if he’s a rainbow baby- they’re just straight up not going to want to play with him. You could probably workshop that to make it sound better but overall, she needed a wake-up call.”
A Baby Is A Baby!
“Not the jerk. Once a child arrives in the world, how they got there should have no bearing on how they are treated/disciplined. I’ve got an IVF baby and I try to forget we even went through all that because honestly, it’s irrelevant now. A baby is a baby. My personal emotional baggage shouldn’t give her permission to be awful. As for your sister, who knows if the message will sink in? Keep focusing on how you won’t accept his bad behavior in your home. It’s up to her if she finds a way to teach him manners.”
That’s No Excuse For His bratty Behavior
“Absolutely not the jerk and while he’s absolutely her miracle baby it doesn’t mean she should raise him entitled and spoiled. It doesn’t excuse his bratty behavior. He still needs to be taught and disciplined like any other child would be.
She’s failing him by not doing so. The kid’s going to grow up thinking he can do or have whatever he wants, will be nothing but trouble in school, and will even affect him as an adult. Throwing tantrums along the way with no consequence for his actions. The adult world isn’t going to care that he’s her miracle child!”
That Was Much Needed!
“Not the jerk. You may have been a bit rough, but your sister needs a serious wake-up call. It’s easy for parents to turn their rainbow baby into a spawn from hell.”
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