Is it okay to consider your son’s history of gambling while formulating your will, particularly when he’s not indulged in it for years?
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for putting stipulations on my will for my older son, but not the younger one?”. Let us know your take in the comments section!
Backstory
The Original Poster (OP) 57F has two sons – Sam (28M) and Alex (25M).
OP’s husband, Dean, was more money-minded than her and took care of all of their finances. He passed away last year and left OP with everything.
OP’s Recent Diagnosis
OP was recently diagnosed with ovarian cancer, and she thought it was best to sort out all the finances. Alex helped OP set up a meeting with Dean’s lawyer and she created a will.
OP chose to give the house to Alex and Sam 50/50. However, she added some stipulations for Sam.
Sam’s History Of Gambling
Sam is not great at managing his money and has gambled in the past.
OP personally doesn’t agree with gambling but Sam is an adult, and it is his money. However, OP voiced her opinion about gambling more when Sam got married and had children, as his decisions would affect his wife and children.
Three Years Ago
“Their marriage was rocky 3 years ago when Sam told his wife he had gambled away their rent, and she was about to leave him. They managed to pull through, and since then Sam has joined Gamblers Anonymous.”, says OP.
What Does OP Want?
OP wants her house to stay in her family, as it has for the past 3 generations, and OP’s lawyer told her about a life estate with remainder interest. OP wrote this for Sam, so the house will go straight to OP’s grandchildren after Sam.
Sam Can Only Live
Sam will only be able to live (not sell) and use the house and after he passes it will go straight to his children. Alex doesn’t have these restrictions, but technically wouldn’t be able to sell either as he doesn’t have Sam’s permission. Alex’s portion is willing to straight to him though.
Dinner Scenes At OP’s Place
OP hosted dinner at her place, inviting Sam and his family and Alex and showing them her will.
“Sam got very upset when I explained my will and said I don’t trust him over something that was ages ago and asked I favor Alex. He is not talking to me. I am not sure if I am in the right here and I just want Sam to talk to me.”, says OP.
How Is This Actually Going To Work?
“Yes you can carve up the family home like this, but how is this actually going to work? They both have the right to live there, but neither can sell. You’re setting up a disaster.”
That’s A Recipe For Disaster
“You’re the jerk for stipulating (as you seem to have) that multiple family members must share the house down the generations – that’s a recipe for disaster, sorry. I’ve seen that in my own family.”
Congratulations, You Have Successfully Messed Up Their Future!
“You’re the jerk for creating a legal and logistical nightmare for your kids after you pass. Congratulations, you have saddled them with lawyer bills for years trying to fix this ridiculous co-ownership situation and then when your kids die, do you expect all of your grand kids to be co-owners? Did you and your siblings all live together in it as one happy family?
If the idea of keeping a house in the family is more precious to you than family harmony, you are a bad mother. You either need to sell the house, or give it to one child with an equivalent monetary gift to the other.”
Looks Like You Made The Right Call
“Not the jerk – Everyone is saying you’re the jerk and must not have any experience with a gambler in the family. Like any addict, they will lie. They hold nothing sacred, most certainly not a valuable and nostalgic asset such as a family home.
That property would get liquidated in a heartbeat and vaporized at the casino. Your son’s anger likely is proof that you made the right call. He should be grateful to be getting half an asset that can benefit his children but he’s not, probably because he can’t transfer it to cash and flush it down the toilet.
A non-addicted person would be like, ‘Thank you so much for providing for my children,’ because it is indeed a lovely gesture for the next generation.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.