Is it okay for you to interfere unnecessarily in your partner’s finances and keep track of what they spend money on, even though the two of you do not share expenses? We don’t think so!
A netizen asked, “Am I a jerk for telling my girlfriend that it’s my money and I can use it however I want?”. Let us know what you think in the comments section!
Backstory
The Original Poster (OP)(M27) started dating his GF (F25) 1.3 years ago and things are going great between them. They also live very close to each other (OP’s flat is exactly 560m from her flat).
The Only Thing That Creates A Rift Occasionally
The only thing that sometimes bothers them is their income disparity. OP makes almost 3 times more than his girlfriend and he also has intra-day trading accounts so he also earns money from them too.
“It sometimes makes our relationship unbalanced but I am always very mindful to treat money carefully around her. I don’t spend carelessly in front of her and I pay for the majority of our dates and all.”, says OP.
What Happened In 2021?
In 2021, OP bought a MacBook Pro and after using it for almost 1.5 years, he didn’t like working on it anymore and he decided to give it to his younger sister (18F).
“I know it sounds snobbish but I wanted to build a gaming PC for myself and now the PC parts are at an all-time low price so I am building a very expensive gaming PC”, says OP.
When OP Disclosed This To His GF
After booking everything online, OP told his GF about this and she started telling him how much he was spending on something when he already has an expensive laptop.
“I told her everything that you can’t game on Macbooks and it’s work laptop and I need a gaming PC for me but she kept going on and on about how unnecessary it is.”, says OP.
The Final Straw
Finally, after half an hour, OP just told her that if it’s bothering her that much, she should not pay attention to it and it’s his money and he can use it however he wants.
“Again she got emotional and left. Now she is giving me the cold shoulder and I am feeling very complicated.”, says OP.
It Has To Be Your Call!
“Not the jerk. When it’s your money, you are financially stable and have no joint finances with her or anyone else, it’s your call. It’s not snobbish to build a gaming PC either. You’d use it more than a MacBook and your sister probably really needed it.
I can see her asking you why, maybe out of concern if she had no idea how much you made. Continuing to badger you for half an hour? NOPE. That’s her insecurity coming through.”
She Is Being Immensely Controlling
“Not the jerk. She is being controlling. You worked, and now you can afford a good PC. She should be more respectful. You went a bit aggressive at the end, but she couldn’t understand for one hour that you weren’t doing anything bad.”
That’s A Major Red Flag
“Not the jerk, Wow she seems very emotional and manipulative. It’s your money and you should spend it the way you want. This is honestly a major red flag and if I were you I would be looking into possibly ending the relationship unless you want to end up living a miserable life. Just cut your losses now, IMHO.”
That’s None Of Her Business
“None of her business what you spend your money on. Build the best gaming system you can and enjoy it. Tell her if she’s that worried about you spending so much on something unnecessary then you will stop paying for all those unnecessary dates or she can pay half.”
You Two Don’t Even Share Expenses Yet!
“If you two were living together, and your spending was affecting your joint expenses, different story. You live alone, you’re not hurting for money. You’re not sacrificing necessities to get a gaming PC. You’re using the money that you’ve earned. She doesn’t get veto power over how you spend your money, especially given the relatively short length of the relationship.
If y’all were married, or living together, then the expense would have been worth a conversation, at least. But as it stands, you’re fine.”
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