Once the trust gets broken in a relationship, it’s best to take responsibility for your actions and not believe them ever again!
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for refusing to let my sister wear our late mom’s necklace on her wedding day?”. Here’s the full story for your context.
Backstory
The Original Poster (OP) (26f) and her sister (22f) lost their mom 20 years ago. Their mom had a lot of jewelry and she had it in her will that they would each get specific pieces of it.
Their dad remarried a year later to Jane. OP’s sister considers Jane her mom and Jane’s daughter Norah (23f) her sister.
“Due to her feeling like they were just mom and sister and not step, my sister has given away all the jewelry she got from our mom to Jane and Norah. I always refused to let them borrow pieces from me.”, says OP.
OP’s Conflict With Jane
Jane always rubbed OP the wrong way because she said OP’s mom was not OP’s sister’s mom anymore and she was basically a stand-in until her real mom (her/Jane) could come into OP’s sister’s life.
Jane said it was disgusting that OP would think it a bad thing for her sister to share pretty jewelry with no real meaning with her family. She said OP was the one who was rejecting a mom and sister.
The Graduation Incident
OP’s sister has nothing left from what mom left her. When she was graduating high school, she was upset about not having anything to wear or so it appeared and she asked if she could borrow a bracelet their mom left OP.
“I was like sure, just give it back after. But my sister gave it to Jane after and it took months for me to get it back. I told Jane I would escalate the situation if I didn’t. Everyone, meaning dad, my sister, Jane and Norah, thought I was behaving weird for that.”, says OP.
The Issue Right Now
Now the necklace has become an issue. It was their mom’s favorite piece of jewelry and OP has always worn it. OP wore it on her wedding day.
OP’s sister is aware that it was mom’s favorite and she has seen photos of her wearing it. She wanted to borrow it to wear on her wedding day. OP was like no way.
OP told her she had made it clear after the graduation incident that she was never borrowing another piece from OP again and OP told her that if she wants something of mom’s to wear, she should take back the stuff she gave away.
All Hell Broke Loose
OP’s sister lost it with OP and started yelling that OP has always held it against her that she didn’t hold mom on a pedestal and rejected everyone who came into their lives after.
She said OP had no right to throw that stuff in her face (OP didn’t) and that she should be allowed to wear something of their mom’s to her wedding just like OP did when she got married.
What Does OP Say?
“She broke down and told me I was selfish and awful and I took pleasure in doing this to her and I ruined her wedding. Am I a jerk?”, asks OP.
You’re Right Not To Trust Her
“Not the jerk. Your sister can ask Jane or Nora. Your necklace isn’t just ‘technically’ yours, but legally, and after the bracelet debacle, you’re right not to trust her.
You should address this with your father; it’s a shame he didn’t have your back the first time.”
She’s Clearly Manipulating You
“Not the jerk. She’s picking and choosing when to amp up the ‘mourning schtick’ to manipulate you into giving her what she wants. She was irresponsible with the last piece she borrowed from you – more than that, she gave it away to someone and left you to clean up the mess.
She made her choices with the items she was left – she can go try to claw back that mistake herself this time.”
This One’s On Her!
“Not the jerk. She gave away the jewelry your late mom left her and gave away the jewelry you let her borrow!”
We’re Not Doing That Again
“Not the jerk. The last time you lent her some of your mom’s jewelry (for her high school graduation, so it’s not like she was a little kid), it took months and legal threats to get it back from Jane. This is what happened last time. We’re not doing that again.”
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