Nobody is supposed to return a gift normally, but what if it was meant to serve a purpose the said person is no longer a part of?

An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for asking for my bridesmaid to give me her gifts back?”. Here’s the whole story for your context.


wedding lavish
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

The Original Poster (OP) is a 30-year-old female who got married in February 2022. She had planned her wedding two years in advance and asked her bridesmaids and groomsmen if they wanted to come along.


makeup wedding
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

Everyone agreed, two years was plenty of time to save up. COVID-19 was a thing during this time, and everyone was still on the same page once traveling opened up again. 

“We planned a joint bridal shower (men and women) for November 2021, and all my bridesmaids agreed to what they wanted to contribute ahead of time,” says OP. 


Image Credits: Marcos Mesa Sam Wordley, Shutterstock

One of the bridesmaids, in particular, decided at around 1 o’clock in the night before their bridal shower to let them know that she couldn’t attend. OP was shocked because she was in charge of all the drinks (lemonade, tea, and soda), and they had over 100 guests. 


Image Credit: Cookie Studio, Shutterstock

Now, OP says that the bridesmaid was known to flake on plans, but OP didn’t think she would on such an important day. She (OP) called her, and in the end, she confessed that she never bought the drinks.

“I was annoyed and had to get my mother to get everything that she couldn’t.”, says OP.


Portrait of confused questioned girl raise hands say tell wear crown head isolated on pink color background.
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

Well, the deceiver shows up to the bridal shower, and things go smoothly, and she pays OP’s mom back. 

“Cool. I let it go. Since that was taken care of, I proceed with plans, and we all get together to make the wedding favors, and I give all my girls their bridesmaid gift boxes.”, says OP. 


Young brunette woman with curly hair wearing glasses over isolated background crazy and mad shouting and yelling with aggressive expression and arms raised. frustration concept.
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

Then, fast forward to the end of January 2022, and OP gets a message from the same bridesmaid that she can no longer attend their wedding. Again, OP was annoyed but found out she can’t afford it anymore. 

“Fine. I was furious because everything had already been paid for and ready to go. However, I was able to tweak a few things and, in place, add another flower girl.”, says OP.


Beautiful brunette young woman wearing glasses and casual clothes sitting on the table clueless and confused expression with arms and hands raised. doubt concept.
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

The only thing OP asked of her was to return the bridesmaid robe so OP’s cousin could have one more in her size and the hairpiece for the wedding so her new flower girl could wear it.

She refused, claiming that she doesn’t give back gifts!


portrait of a young brunette woman , wearing a pink sweater , with an irritated expression, hands in the air, isolated on white background. Negative human emotions
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

She (OP) even told her to keep all the other gifts because they were for her, and OP only wanted the two items meant for the wedding party. But she said there was no way she would be doing that and that OP’s fiance makes enough money that they can afford to rebuy them.

“Friendship is completely over since then. I didn’t think it was that bad of me to ask. So, am I a jerk?” asks OP. 


The woman is afraid of fear
Image Credits: Deposit Photos.

OP later edited the post and added the following information: 

“My bridesmaids did not fund my bridal shower. I did. I had them split up who would do drinks (meaning soft drinks, which came out to about $80 to be more specific, and I made sure we had a bar for guests to buy alcohol if they wanted to), party games, and Jenga between 5 girls. They all talked it out together and agreed. Everything else came out of my pocket.”


Young furious woman with opened mouth and mad look gesturing against gray background
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

“I announced my wedding two years in advance so that everyone invited would pay their way to the wedding, and I would not hold it against them if they could not go. That was the point of destination because I had over 100 people invited for the bridal shower (big family) and needed way fewer people to come to the wedding; hence, fewer people would go. 

I asked multiple times to make sure everyone was still comfortable with going, and by no means did anyone tell us no or they could not afford anything.”


Photo of confused puzzled lady wear striped pullover not understand you isolated teal color background.
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

“Not the jerk. The gifts were for being a bridesmaid, not being a friend. They are gifts for them, standing for you, helping you, and being there to do bridesmaid duties. She has not won them in the lottery. She should have offered to return the bridesmaids’ gifts since she backed out of being a bridesmaid.” 


Image Credits:, Shutterstock

“Not the jerk. For the question at hand, no, you’re not the jerk in my book. The hairpiece and robe were part of a uniform of work she didn’t do. On the other hand, I hope you’re also taking a hard look at this friendship, how this works or doesn’t for you, and what the next steps are after it gets sorted and thanking your mom for coming in in the clutch.” 


Image Credits: Deposit Photos

“You’re the jerk and should never ask for a gift back. I can see why you did, but it’s a bit harsh, especially as she couldn’t afford to attend. She could have handled it better and given you more notice, but I still wouldn’t have asked for the gift back.”

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