It is generally not okay to invite a person to your wedding without their spouse when everyone else gets a plus one, but in today’s incident, it is absolutely fine.
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for not giving my married friend a plus one to my wedding?”. We need to know your take on the matter.
Backstory
The Original Poster (OP) (33M) is getting married next summer.
OP invited a friend from university to his wedding but intentionally did not give him a plus one for his wife.
OP Doesn’t Get Along With His Friend’s Wife
OP and his friend’s wife do not get along well. She attended university with them, and they had their fair share of fights then and a rather large fuss some 5-odd years ago.
They live on opposite sides of their country and only see each other a couple of times a year (if that) for special occasions like other friends’ weddings.
OP and his friend’s wife can be generally cordial now but mostly avoid or ignore one another.
What Happened Four Years Ago?
OP’s friend got married around 4 years ago, and OP was not invited to their wedding. OP’s friend told him (in no uncertain terms) that he wanted OP there, but his wife did not and that he chose to respect her wishes on her big day.
“I was disappointed but understanding and never let it affect our friendship.”, says OP.
What’s The Issue?
OP is having a big wedding, and all guests with spouses, fiancés, and serious bf/gfs are getting plus ones, except for said friend. It is not a numbers issue, OP simply does not want his wife in attendance.
Does OP Know The Outcome?
OP has considered the likelihood that his friend will RSVP no, given the lack of a plus one, but OP is okay with this outcome.
OP has no intention of telling him ahead of time that most others are getting a plus one, but OP is aware that he is most likely going to find out.
What Does Everyone Else Think
OP and his fiancé obviously discussed this matter, and she is fully supportive of this decision.
“Other friends that I have spoken to tell me that I’m being ruthless and basically should not have even invited my friend if I wasn’t going to give him a plus one for his wife. So… am I the jerk?”, asks OP.
You Are Simply Reciprocating
“Not the jerk. No one has anything to say given you were not invited to their wedding. You are simply reciprocating and it’s your wedding anyhow, end of story.”
It’s Fair Not To Invite Her
“Not the jerk. I was leaning you were the jerk until you said that you weren’t even invited to their wedding. So I think it’s fair not to invite her. But it’s really awful that you and your good friend’s spouse hate each other *this* much. Why is that?”
What Exactly Is Ruthless Here?
“Not the jerk. What exactly is ruthless here? You have direct evidence that she feels the same way and it prevented you from going to a good friend’s wedding.
It’s not like you’re shocking her with the fact that your feelings aren’t reciprocated. I would communicate with your friend though that she is not invited and that only his name on the invite wasn’t a mistake.”
You Have Every Right To Do That
“Why would you allow someone you dislike to be at your wedding, it is about celebrating a joyous day with the people you love and if she is going to put a damper on the day then you have every right not to invite her.”
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