Sometimes parents make mistakes too and kids must forgive them at times. On the other hand, parents should also validate their kid’s emotions especially if they have had a hard childhood.
The Original Poster (OP) took it to the forum, and asked “Am I wrong for not wanting to apologize over and over again for my daughter’s upbringing?”. We want to know from you.
BACKSTORY
OP is 45 and her daughter, CJ, is 28. OP had CJ when she was 17 years old. CJ’s dad didn’t stick around, so OP raised her all alone.
CJ’S CHILDHOOD
As OP was a single parent, she struggled a lot to make ends meet. When she graduated college, she had a bunch of student loans as well.
OP made sure that CJ never lacked necessities, but she didn’t have many material possessions. They ate a lot of struggling meals and had to move often.
OP WAS FINALLY DEBT FREE
When CJ turned 17, OP was finally debt-free. She eventually got a promotion at work and was doing much better.
She started giving different things to CJ throughout the year. She also took her to Disney World, a place she always wanted to go but never could.
OP MET HER HUSBAND
When CJ finally went to college, OP met her husband, Mathew. They eventually got married and now they have two kids, Jack and Melissa. With their combined incomes, they live quite a comfortable life.
CJ WAS NEVER LEFT OUT
Although Jack and Melissa had a better childhood than CJ, OP made sure that CJ was never left out. CJ is always invited to their trips, OP gets her random gifts throughout the year, etc.
WHEN DID CJ FIRST POINT IT OUT?
CJ first pointed out the discrepancy a couple of years ago when OP and her husband took their kids to Disney World. CJ was invited to that trip as well. When she said that, OP sat her down and apologized to her for her childhood.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
OP thought it would end there, but it didn’t stop there. CJ constantly complained whenever her siblings got something. OP is very sensitive towards CJ’s feelings, so she continuously validates them. But this seemed never-ending.
JACK’S BIRTHDAY
Recently on Jack’s birthday, he opted to watch the off-broadway production of Frozen. CJ was invited as well, along with her fiance. CJ was pouting and seemed upset the whole night.
OP tried to talk to her but she brushed it off. Then they went to dinner after the show. The kids were excited and were talking about the show, and suddenly CJ made a weird remark.
She said “You know what I got for my 5th birthday, Jack? A Barbie from the dollar store!”.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Although the kids didn’t understand what had happened, the adults did. OP decided to be civil for the rest of the evening, and called CJ later and told her that what she did was unacceptable.
OP even asked CJ if she wanted OP to give less to her siblings, but CJ said no. She said that she can bring it up whenever she wants and she will continue doing this.
OP told CJ that she was disappointed in her and hung up. Later OP received a text from CJ about how horrible she was as a mother!
Now OP wants to know if this is her fault?
WHAT DO PEOPLE THINK?
“I understand CJ’s position. I can’t think of one one present I ever received from my parents (not to discredit them because they paid for literally everything in my life).
But I always knew they did their best and I have always been grateful. CJ really needs to speak with a therapist and work on her insecurities.
I don’t get the hint from your post that you neglected her while giving her siblings more.”, said one user.
I Can’t Understand It
“I can’t understand it at all. She’s a 28 year old woman jealous of a 5 year old. She wasn’t destitute, her mother was doing the best she could.
She got Christmas and birthday presents. OP, she’s being utterly petulant. You’ve been more than kind acknowledging the difference, including her and being generous with gifts and holidays now.
Like, how long does she expect you to grovel? Time for her to grow up.”, said another user.
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.