Since when does one need to be married to be a godmother? We don’t know either!

An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for telling my pregnant sister I’m upset for not being made the godmother and not being able to help in the planning of the baby shower?”

We need you to find out!


Upset young pregnant woman crying and sitting on sofa at home
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The Original Poster’s (OP’s) sister, let’s call her Anne (31), is three months pregnant. Anne is OP’s only sibling, and this is her first baby. 

“My dad passed away four years ago, and it has only been mom, Anne, and me for a long time.”, says OP. 


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OP and her mom have been excited to welcome a new family member. Since Anne is OP’s only sibling, OP assumed she would be the baby’s godmother. OP’s sister made it seem she would until her sister’s husband told OP she would need to be married to be the godmother. 

“I’m very much single and have no plans to marry. I don’t think it is in the cards for me. I was sad to hear this and kept how upset I was to myself. If the catholic church says I can’t be a godmother, then who am I to argue?” says OP. 


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OP took Anne to the Prego Expo along with their mom. They started talking about the baby shower and doing a little planning during and following the exposition. 


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Today, OP got a text message from Anne telling her the date and location of the baby shower. OP asked her why she was doing it in that location since they discussed another location. 

“She said her husband’s brother and his wife liked that place, and they wanted a Disc Jockey (DJ) at the baby shower and for it to be a party,” says OP.


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OP was taken a bit back since she thought OP and her mom would be doing the planning. Especially since OP’s mom will be paying for the location and she has a limited income. Anne then sent OP screenshots of table centerpieces and shower decorations that she wanted OP to make for the shower.

“I was upset, and it took me a minute to understand why I was crying. I planned to ignore my sister for a few hours while I settled my feelings. But she kept messaging, demanding a response, and I finally texted her back.”, says OP. 


Young couple sitting on the sofa discussing at home.
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OP told Anne she was upset about not being a godmother that she felt her husband’s family was taking over the planning, and that her feelings were hurt. Anne texted back that she had never confirmed the location and that OP was making no sense. OP texted Anne back, telling her that helping plan means involvement and that OP felt like she (OP) was not involved.

“Instead, I was being told when things were happening and rudely told I needed to do the decorations. I also texted Anne that I misunderstood my level of involvement and felt justifiably upset but that I would get over it. She has not responded”, says OP. 


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OP’s mom is now mad at OP for upsetting Anne, and she worries it will affect the baby. “So now I feel really bad. I know it’s Anne’s decision on how much I am or am not involved. My feelings were hurt, and I should have kept them to myself since Anne is pregnant and it can affect her baby. Am I the jerk?” asks OP. 


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“Not the jerk. Your feelings are justified, but please stay close to your sister and any children she may have. Looks like the husband is trying to isolate her from you and your mother. Don’t let him.” 


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“Not the jerk. Your sister’s husband sounds like a controlling jerk. You must keep your communication open with Anne, even when upset. It sounds like she’s pretty isolated already. 

As long as you have been baptized (ideally confirmed), the Catholic church will accept you as a godmother. Being married or single doesn’t come into it.”


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“I am not going to call you a jerk, but you have made a lot of assumptions. Nobody asked you to be Godmother. Your brother-in-law’s comment that you have to be married in the Catholic Church to be a godparent is incorrect.” 


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“You’re not the jerk, and contrary to idiotic myths, being a tad emotionally upset doesn’t harm a pregnancy. (If you could end a pregnancy by getting upset, there’d never be unwanted pregnancies.) Your sister and her husband are running the show. Step back and contribute as you feel able and comfortable. Remember, none of this is about you.”


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“I have mixed feelings. I don’t get why you’re so caught up with being the baby’s godmother when you’re going to be the baby’s aunt. On the other hand, it’s strange how your sister’s husband is acting. Almost like he’s trying to push you all away.”

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