How would you feel if you found out that your friends were only hanging out with you because they needed someone to pay for things and drive them home when they were drunk? A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for refusing to drive anymore and leaving three drunk friends stranded?”. Tell us your take in the comments section!
Backstory
The Original Poster (OP) (F) has 3 friends from college: Maisy, Tom, and Neela. They’re all mid-30’s now. They usually get together once a month to have dinner despite work and family obligations (virtually during the global event).
What Happened Six Months Ago
Six months ago, OP had to stand up to everyone about splitting the bill evenly because everyone else orders and eats appetizers and desserts, and everyone else drinks copious amounts of alcohol every time they get together.
OP Eats A Main and Drink Water
OP typically eat a main and drink water. OP started checking menus in advance and only bringing enough cash to cover her bill plus tip and would “forget” her card at home eventually, sternly told them that she was no longer willing to pay an additional $50-$100 every time they went out to cover their appetizers, desserts, and drinking habits.
The Mutual Decision
Well, they all decided because OP wasn’t drinking anything but water, she should be the driver, which OP initially agreed to because she was just happy that they eventually stopped arguing with her about splitting the bill.
But at the same time, OP told them firmly that if any of them ever threw up in her car, that would be the end of it.
What Happened Last Month?
Last month, Tom nearly threw up in OP’s car. The only reason he didn’t is because OP pulled over and pulled him out of the car and onto the pavement instead.
OP sent a group text the next morning stating that she was no longer going to the driver, and everyone complained that Tom only ALMOST threw up in her car.
OP again refused and told them that next month, they either had to limit their drinking so they could drive, or they had to find their own ride.
Last Weekend’s Story
Last weekend, OP reminded everyone she wasn’t driving anyone home. No one limited their intake, and by the night’s end, they were too drunk even to handle paying their bill.
OP went up and asked for her bill separately, paid, and walked out without saying goodbye. Tom’s wife had to have her mother watch their two kids while she had to come down, cover their bills, and give Maisy and Neela rides home–and Tom and Maisy both threw up in her car.
The Drama Thereafter
OP was getting hateful calls and texts all week telling her she had to pay to have Tom’s wife’s car cleaned and pay his MIL for watching the kids.
Maisy and Neela have been calling OP all kinds of names for abandoning them, but OP snapped that they were all three sheets to the wind even after being told last month she wasn’t driving them anymore.
Tom’s Hurtful Remarks
Tom eventually called to yell at OP that if she didn’t split the bill, and if she didn’t drive, then what use was she?
OP asked if that was how he treated his wife, Maisy, or Neela if they were only allowed to be around if they were “useful” because here OP thought they were all just enjoying one another’s company since OP certainly wasn’t gaining anything useful from them spending hundreds of dollars funding their eating and drinking habits and then wasting her gas to drive their drunk selves home.
“I was blocked and none of them will speak to me now, and I just need to know if I’m the jerk here.”, asks OP.
Well Done For Taking A Stand
“Not the jerk. You are not their friend, you were there only because they could take advantage of you. Well done for standing up for yourself. You will need to find a new friend group though.”
They’ve Been Clearly Using You
“Not the jerk, you’ve just realized that they didn’t actually like you all that much – and by their description you probably shouldn’t like them either. They are users.”
You’re Not Their Mom!
“You’re all in your thirties, and your friends are unable to regulate their drinking. Do they not know how to call a taxi?
You set reasonable boundaries with them, and they kept trying to disregard them. Also, you’re their friend, not their mother. You shouldn’t have to feel responsible for how they get home.
This may need to be a discussion with the group while you are all sober and explain why you have placed these boundaries. If they push back, it may be a good idea to put some distance between you all for a while.”
You Need To Dump These Jerks
“Let me see if I have this right…..You guys are in your mid-30’s, some are married with kids. And your friends habitually get drunk, stick you with a disproportionate part of the bill, make you the DD, and then when you refuse they question your ‘use’ to them.
What in the blue chicken-fried hell do you see in these worthless, using losers? They add NOTHING to your life. You need to dump these jerks completely and get better friends.”
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