Raising a child who has experienced abuse from their previous parents can make parenting exceptionally challenging.
The Original Poster (OP) took it to the forum, and asked, “Am I wrong for being angry at what my wife said to my niece?”. We want to know from you.
BACKSTORY
OP’s sister and brother-in-law were abusive towards their daughter Charlotte. Three years ago, OP and his wife got Charlotte’s legal custody and she has been living with OP, his wife, and his daughter, Chloe ever since.
HOW’S CHARLOTTE
She is a good kid at heart, but she still struggles a lot. She’s still in therapy and has come so far, but she finds it difficult to accept unconditional love and that kids don’t have to be perfect.
CHARLOTTE’S RELATIONSHIP WITH OP’S WIFE AND DAUGHTER
Charlotte has a good relationship with both OP and his wife.
Charlotte often views Chloe as ungrateful and spoiled. Although it was even worse before, OP has managed to tone it down to a great degree. It still resurfaces at times during their teenage squabbles.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Last Friday, when OP was at work, Chloe refused to do her chores and was arguing about it with OP’s wife.
WHAT DID CHARLOTTE DO?
Charlotte jumped in and basically called Chloe lazy and said that she should be a better daughter like her.
WIFE’S REACTION
OP’s wife got furious and asked her to stay out of it. She also reminded her that she should consider herself lucky that they were taking care of her.
CHARLOTTE LEFT
After that, things got heated up, and Charlotte left to stay over at OP’s parents’ place.
OP’S WIFE FILLED HIM IN
After OP returned from work, his wife filled him in. She told him everything that Charlotte had done and also admitted the things she told Charlotte.
OP’S REACTION
OP was angry at his wife for saying this to Charlotte. OP knows that Charlotte struggles to believe that every kid deserves unconditional love, even if they are not always perfect.
OP had been talking to her about it for months now. It broke his heart when he found out that his wife threatened Charlotte to kick her out if she didn’t behave.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
OP fought with his wife and asked her to apologize. She still doesn’t think that she did anything wrong and thinks that OP is being a bad father to Chloe and is babying Charlotte and defending her for no reason.
Now OP wants to know if this is wrong.
WHAT DO PEOPLE THINK?
“Your wife said a terrible thing and really messed up with Charlotte. Your wife needs to apologize and looks like you’re gonna have to have individual long talks with everyone.”, said one user.
SHE MAY ACTUALLY FEEL THAT
“I hate to have to tell you this, but I think your wife could say a thing like that because that’s how she actually feels about Charlotte, a charity case who should be grateful for scraps.
That reaction wasn’t a woman mediating a fight between her two daughters, this was her defending her child against this hostile kid she took in.
If she spoke in the heat of the moment, she would have been horrified afterwards, not doubling down. It’s possible she never wanted Charlotte.”, said another user.
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.