A netizen recently asked, Am I a jerk for making my pregnant daughter move out before the baby is born? Here’s the full story for you to decide:
Backstory:
OP’s 17 yo daughter (youngest and they had her late) is 7 weeks pregnant (she will be 18 by the time she gives birth). She is not in a relationship with her father. He really, OP can’t stress this enough, does not want a baby.
OP honestly doesn’t even think he’ll show up for the birth or anything.
A Bit About OP’s Daughter’s Pregnancy
OP’s daughter has decided to continue with the pregnancy against all advice from practically every adult in her life. After she insisted on not only continuing with the pregnancy but raising the baby, OP asked her how she is going to manage that.
How Did The Conversation Go
This was the gist of the convo:
Her: “I’ll get a job.”
Op: “Who’s going to watch the baby while you’re at work?”
Her: “I thought you and Dad could.”
Me: “Absolutely not, I’m not raising another baby.”
What Did OP Conclude From Her Daughter’s Statements?
Pretty much a back-and-forth for a bit that led OP to believe that if her daughter has this baby in this house, OP is practically going to be its mother.
OP says, “I’m very recently retired and my husband is retiring in exactly 11 months (there’s a countdown) and this is not how I want to spend my retirement years. It’s not fair to us.”
What Did OP Do Next?
So, OP told her daughter that she has time until the baby is born to find a place to live. OP’s husband has always been wrapped around their daughter’s finger (which OP thinks is normally endearing, she loves how much he loves their children) so he is not fully on board with that but OP feels like they need to be united on this.
“I just want to know if I’m in the wrong here. Am I the jerk?” Asks OP.
Some Additional Info
OP later edited the post and added the following information: “To everyone acting like I’m spending the next 7 months ignoring her- I will help her get a job, get on assistance if need be, find affordable housing, etc. I will not raise this baby.”
No Jerks Here
“No jerks here. You can be upset if she wants to keep the baby but that’s ultimately not your or ‘every other adult in her life’s choice to make. I think you’re correct that she is assuming you will be more of a caretaker than you’d like to and maybe isn’t thinking things through, as a normal teenager.
You Are Not A Jerk
I don’t think you’re the jerk if you are supportive of her decision without letting her take advantage of you. Perhaps you can help her find some community or government programs that can help you and your future grandchild out.”
She Has No Clue What She’s Committing To
“I don’t think anyone other than you gets an opinion on this and everyone will be giving varying opinions that don’t really matter. It’s your right. I think you’re not a jerk. Has anyone suggested an abortion? A 17-year-old really has no clue at all, absolutely no clue, how much is going to change being a single parent. Life’s gonna be hell for her for a long time. The situation is bad.”
It’s Definitely A No Win Situation
“She chose to go through this pregnancy and if she is mature enough, in her mind, to be a mom then she is mature enough to figure out her situation. I don’t mean that you shouldn’t help out when you can but to assume that you will always be available for her to watch the child while she works is unreasonable and shows how little she has planned for this. It’s definitely a no-win situation but I don’t think you are being a jerk for asking her to act like an adult.
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This article originally appeared on Mrs Daaku Studio.