Having children is a choice. There are both pros and cons to having or not having children. A user asked the forum, What are the cons of NOT having kids? Here are the common responses.
NOT HAVING THE SAME PERCEPTION OF TIME
“You don’t have the same perception of time. When I run into a friend and his kids are ten years old, you realize how old you are.”
ASSUMPTION OF PEOPLE
“People assume you don’t like kids. I LOVE kids and am an honorary cool aunt to several. Things just didn’t work out for me to have my own (didn’t meet my spouse till older, went through traumatic life events during post-marriage childbearing years, etc.).”
LIFE GETS LONELY
“In my experience…… It’s lonely.
A lot of people assume that if you don’t have kids, you don’t like them, don’t want anything to do with them, and know nothing about them.
I was the oldest of many kids and helped raise them. I understand what kids are like. I can entertain them and like to play games with them. I can feed and change babies, and I can rock them to sleep. I understand they’re likely to destroy things and make messes, whether intentionally or not. I have a box of toys and bubbles at my house in case of small visitors. I GET that I will never understand what it’s like to have a child, but I like to think I’m pretty accommodating.
And yet many friends distance themselves because they don’t want to bring their children to my house in fear of them ‘wrecking’ it (note: I’m not a fancy person and don’t care anyway), and don’t want me to see theirs because it’s wrecked. They don’t want to go out because it will be ‘too stressful.’ When we finally do get together, I listen to their stories but rarely get asked about my life because they’re so consumed with parenting that’s all they can focus on.
Despite my best efforts, it’s hard to watch those friendships slip away.”
NUISANCE OF PEOPLE
“When you’re someone who doesn’t have kids because of infertility and health reasons, people feel like they can interview you about your private medical information.”
LOSING FRIENDS
“You can lose friends.
As you get older, your friends who aren’t child-free will start getting married and having kids. They’ll still love you, like you, and try to keep in touch, but their life will be very different from yours. Their priorities will change, and you will inevitably be bumped down the list. You could start resenting them for not being present for you like they used to be. They could start drifting from you because they feel you no longer understand their lives and struggles.
Now I’m not saying a friendship can’t survive a difference that big. But a lot of them don’t.
And to be clear, you shouldn’t have kids just to keep friends. It’s possible to make new friends. It’s also possible to renew old friendships once the kids get older and your friends are more willing to be away from them.
It’s just hard those first few years when their life has changed so much, and yours has not.”
NOT HAVING A FAMILY BONDING
“Some of my best memories are sitting with my mom and grandmother and sisters around a table, just talking and working crossword puzzles together. There’s a closeness there that can’t really be replicated, even with your best friends, a lifetime of memories. I’ll never have that with my adult children because I don’t have any. I don’t regret not having kids, but those times around the table are gone forever now.”
NOT GETTING TO EXPERIENCE THOSE LITTLE MOMENTS
“The absolute best feeling in my life as a mom is when my 19-year-old son, who had moved out, comes home with half a dozen of his friends, and they raid my kitchen and pull out Monopoly, or risk and just relax like teenagers, taking a break from adulthood for a minute. I will cook a big meal, and they’ll stay for hours. It’s pure bliss. I couldn’t imagine life without moments like that.”
NOT HAVING A SUPPORT DURING OLD AGE
“As an older parent, I think my brain has become less malleable. Kids have been good for me because I’ve had to re-learn how to be patient and break some of my bad habits.”
YOU CAN’T MAKE FRIENDS EASILY
“If you are an introvert, you can make new lasting friends from parent groups because you have a lot of child play date activities.
It’s not something that should be looked down on because even quiet autistic fathers get to socialize with the pretext of attending children’s events along with their wives.”
YOUR FAMILY WON’T GROW
“The family you grew up with only diminishes in size, even so far as dying out completely.”
YOU WILL NOT BE ADMIRED
“Nobody will ever be as impressed with you as your own 4-year-old. I made rolls that didn’t rise once, and she ate 3. I am a biology major, and I can tell her very basic things about sharks or birds and blow her mind. I taught her how to play Mario Kart, and she congratulated me on doing well every time we played, even if I did an objectively poor job. She tells me it’s a good job to go to the bathroom. I’ll never have this kind of support again in my life.”
LOSING SOME BEAUTIFUL MOMENTS
“It’s hard to explain. The special moments with kids. Something so mundane can happen that just grabs your heart and makes you wish harder than you’ve ever wished for anything before that you could freeze time and just stay in that moment with your child forever like the other day. My 17-year-old son can be your typical crunchy teen, and sometimes he’s such a tough nut to crack. You know, it’s pretty common to think teens don’t care about anyone. But I’ve just learned recently that I’m sick, and just like everything, it’s hard to know how he feels. I was taking a nap the other day, and I woke up to him hugging me. He must’ve been checking on me and saw me sleeping and just wanted to hug me for some reason. It was like he was little again. Those are the moments.”
NOT GETTING TO EXPERIENCE THOSE HUGS
“Unexpected hugs from teenagers are the best.
Hell, even a simple high-five is thrilling.
Teenagers are weird, but I bet we were too.”
NOT HAVING SOMEONE TO MAKE FUN
“For me, I have the most fun with my kid. Literally, they’re just the coolest hangout buddy. Want to go to a science museum and write “fart” on the sand table? Hell yes. Want to watch animals do things on YouTube for an hour? Don’t have to ask me twice. Want to make popcorn at 9am? Why the hell not? We have inside jokes, scream, sing to music, do experiments like making a cake using the recipe from Minecraft (it’s… Not good), watch Star Trek, look at ants, have pun battles, you name it. It’s just so fun.“
“I fear losing my wife and having nobody else in my life someday.”
NOT HAVING SOMEONE TO TAKE CARE
“I had a neighbor who had no children & her husband was dead. She fell & couldn’t get up or get to a phone and laid there until she died of hunger & thirst. I felt so bad for her.”
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