Sometimes, people perceive some acts as selfish and rude. But in reality, it is not the same. A user asked the forum, What comes across as selfish but actually isn’t?
NOT ACCEPTING SOMEONE’S HELP
“This may be a weird one, but not “letting people help” when I did not request help, and offers of help were politely declined.”
SAYING NO TO THE DEMANDS OF FAMILY
“Telling your family “no” when you feel you have maxed out your contribution to whatever cause they are campaigning. Especially when their methods of negotiation include applying guilt.”
CUTTING OFF TOXIC FRIENDS
“Limiting contact with a friend whose issues are now affecting your own happiness. You have to look out for yourself, too.”
SETTING BOUNDARIES
“Healthy firm relationship boundaries.”
NOT BUYING A BRACELET
“In high school, one of the students in year 12 died, and his friends were selling bracelets(I think) to raise money for his funeral. I couldn’t afford one (they were like 10 dollars) as I was in year nine and jobless without spare money. Anyway, a lot of people were upset with me because I didn’t have a bracelet for someone I didn’t know and money I didn’t have.”
NOT LOANING MONEY
“Not loaning money because it could potentially put you in a bad position.”
THINKING ABOUT OURSELVES
“Thinking about yourself first. You’re no good to others if you aren’t good to yourself.”
NOT GOING TO WORK WHEN SICK
“Calling out of work when you’re really sick.
People get so much crap for calling out, but personally, I’d rather someone stay home and not infect the whole place.”
SOLITUDE
“Solitude.
Sometimes it’s insanely healthy to be with yourself.
Sometimes the timing doesn’t mesh with others’ lives.”
CUTTING OFF TOXIC FAMILY MEMBERS
“Cutting off toxic family members/in-laws. I have cut my narcissistic abusive sister out of my life, and I am in the process of cutting off my mother-in-law. Life is too short to allow abuse into your life because your abuser is a family member.”
NOT GIVING MONEY TO FAMILY
“Not giving money to family members. My longtime GF family always asked her for money, and I had to reassure them it was okay not to give it because we have our own bills. BTW between the both of us, her mom, brother, and sister have received money at one point in time. I am almost positive she has paid them more than I know, not my money, but they try to guilt us because we are in a better situation (we save a little after bills) and will never pay us back.”
“Putting your mental health first.”
NOT GOING TO A DESTINATION WEDDING
“Not wanting to go to your destination wedding. Don’t get me wrong, I love you both and would love to celebrate your nuptials, but I’m not taking my vacation time or spending money on airplane tickets, hotels, activities, and gifts because you thought it would be cool to get married in Jamaica in March.”
CUTTING OFF FROM A RELATIONSHIP
“Leaving a relationship even though the other person is threatening that they will kill themselves. Went through this in my first relationship ever. He’s still alive, so I know he was just trying to manipulate me.”
NOT DONATING MONEY
“Not donating money at drive-thru’s, convenience stores, department stores, etc. Most of the organizations are extremely top heavy, and a very small portion of the donated amount actually goes towards what you’re donating to.”
INVESTING IN SELF-CARE
“Self-care. I try to treat myself once a month to something, be it having my nails done, hair cut, massage, etc. Every freaking time I do, SOMEONE has to say, “Wow, must be nice. Wish I could do that.” You can, Susan. Don’t buy lunch from work every day, and you could easily do whatever it is that I did.”
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