No matter how much we emphasize, we cannot fully understand what other people go through until we experience it for ourselves.
A user asked the forum, “What’s something that people don’t understand until they experience it themselves?” Here are the top causes.
CHRONIC PAIN
“Chronic pain. Yes, I’m always in pain. Yes, I’m exhausted. Yes, I’m good at hiding it. People seem to forget about it if you’re not screaming.”
ALZHEIMER’S
“Dealing with Alzheimer’s/Dementia. There are so many emotions watching someone you love suffer and then not understand what they are saying or doing, especially when they are angry and mean, sometimes even violent.”
DEPRESSION
“Depression, and I’m not talking about mild depression that can be managed via therapy (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and talk therapy) but severe, treatment-resistant depression, and dissociation.
I’ve tried therapy, medications, and exercise to treat my depression to no avail. I constantly grapple with self-image issues. I’ve considered ketamine treatment as a last resort. If that doesn’t yield any meaningful progress, I’m done.
I’ve been alive for 32 years, and I can’t recall the last time I was genuinely happy and at peace with myself and the world around me. You can’t just ‘snap out of’ this. It takes extraordinary effort and persistence. Without motivation or willpower, therapy will fail.
When depression is clouding any rational or logical thought, finding a reason to do anything can be mentally and emotionally taxing.
Additionally, without a support system, self-doubt and hopelessness fester until they reach a breaking point. I’d give an arm and a leg not to feel like this now.”
ADDICTION
“Addiction, or rather quitting an addiction. I used to think quitting smoking should just be a matter of willpower, but it’s not that simple.”
GRIEF
“Grief. It’s not something you ‘get over,’ it’s something you get through, and it’s with you for life.”
POVERTY
“Poverty. Many people without financial problems complain about poor people’s bad choices, but they fail to grasp the entirety of being in that situation. In general, just most problems that other people have. ‘Why don’t they just do so and so?’ If you ask this, there’s a 98% chance you don’t understand what’s happening.”
HUNGER
“Hunger, serious, devastating hunger with no meal in sight.”
DEATH OF A PET
“Death of a pet can be devastating.”
OVERWEIGHT
“Being overweight, especially being significantly overweight and keeping weight off after you’ve lost it. It’s a hard road to go down. Having to deal with hunger the whole time and then managing never to give in so you don’t gain it back. It’s truly a constant battle.”
DEBT
“$13k in credit card debt and $.41 in checking.”
LOSING FAMILY
“Losing family. As a kid, you never really let it hit you deep. When you get older and understand, you can’t cope emotionally.”
WIDOWHOOD
“Widowhood. I never realized how difficult it was until I became one. It’s different from getting a divorce.”
DIVORCE
“Divorce. Telling the kids that their ‘perfect family’ is splitting up. Dealing with the finances, the assets, the emotional upheaval. Mine was a friendly divorce where we acted like adults and separated reasonably. I can’t imagine what a horrible breakup would have been like.”
BECOMING A MOM
“Becoming a mom, I never believed people when they told me how much they loved their kids. You have no idea how much you can truly love until you hold that baby in your arms for the first time.”
CHILDBIRTH
“Childbirth is nothing like it is portrayed on television and can be very different for each woman.”
LOSING A PREGNANCY
“Losing a pregnancy, especially if it’s early. People don’t know what to say. ‘At least it was early; you know you can get pregnant; you can try again.’ It’s hard to understand the level of emotion you can feel for a person who doesn’t exist yet and whom you have never met and how losing that future is devastating.
There is no funeral, no grave, no memories, just grief. Even getting pregnant again doesn’t necessarily help. Like, yes, I will be having a baby, but I also still really want that other baby. Wouldn’t wish it on anyone.”
HAVING A CHILD WITH A DISABILITY
“Having a child with a disability. Everyone thinks they understand because of how many comments I’ve received from strangers, but they have no idea.”
BEING A STEPPARENT
“Being a stepparent. You have all the responsibility and hard work without authority or credit.”
BACK PAIN
“Real back pain. Like, can’t get out of bed or think about anything else, intense, unrelenting pain. I have herniated discs and scoliosis sometimes, and it is nearly unbearable. People will say, ‘Oh man, I know what you’re going through; I pulled a muscle in my back once and could hardly move. You have no idea what I’m going through.'”
DIABETES
“Diabetes. It’s a punchline on the internet, but it’s messed up.”
MIGRAINES
“Migraines. People who haven’t had one: oh, I get headaches sometimes, too; just drink more water, and you’ll be fine.
People who have had one: I’m so sorry, that’s awful; let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”
ATTENTION DEFICIT HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER
“Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). I used to abuse myself internally for being unable to ‘be better!’. Now I’m diagnosed and know that was wrong the whole time; I’m so kinder to myself. Others still aren’t, though, and that hurts.”
EATING DISORDER
“Eating disorders. They’re incredibly romanticized, thus leading more people to succumb to disordered behaviors and potentially develop one themselves. Still, they have horrible and lifelong effects on your physical and mental health.
For most of those who’ve recovered (physically, I mean, including me, but I’m still in the process), the thoughts never entirely go away, and you can never really eat like a ‘normal person’ without guilt or shame, and your thoughts still revolve around food, weight and the way your body looks 90% of the time.”
LIVING IN ISRAEL
“Living in Israel. If more Americans had spent time there, they would understand the current situation much better.”
POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER
“Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). My wife and I both have it, but we show it differently; she has flashbacks and freakouts seeing something on television or whatever triggers her outbursts. On the other hand, I have night terrors and will start swinging and screaming.”
SEIZURE
“Having a seizure. Honestly, at least to me, it’s like having a blank space in time. In my case, you wouldn’t have known anything had happened if no one was around. You’re going about your day one minute, and the next, you wake up in a hospital bed. Honestly, it’s creepy how fast it happens.”
CELIAC DISEASE
“Celiac disease. I’m not doing keto. I’m trying not to damage my gastrointestinal tract and esophagus permanently.”
MILITARY
“Being in the military. There are books, movies, songs, and television shows about military life and war, and as someone who consumed them as a kid, none of it comes close to doing it.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.