There is a strange group of people who seem to delight in naming their children the most bizarre and nonsensical things imaginable. While some of these names may elicit a chuckle, others leave one utterly dumbfounded, wondering what could have possibly possessed the parents to inflict such a burden on their child.
An internet user recently asked, What name comes to mind when you think ‘Why the hell would you name your child that?’. The following responses shall certainly have you rolling.
Ampersand
“My mate swears blind he heard a woman in a supermarket called out to her child….. Ampersand.” Said one.
“My friend names his cats after obscure characters. There are currently #, \^, and ¶. \~ passed away a couple of years ago.” Another added.
Retardra
“My wife made a deal with a woman whose parents thought it would be a good idea to name her Retardra. I think my wife still has her business card stashed somewhere.” Said one.
“Seriously, why would you cripple your kid like that?” Another added.
Weapon-Themed Names
“I knew siblings who had weapon-themed names: Remington, Saber \[sic\], Gauge, and Colt. Their dog was named Bullet.
I can appreciate some of those names on their own but as a bundle, it seems like overkill.”
Normal Names With Dumb Spellings
“Any normal name with a dumb spelling. Naming your daughter “Jyssica” doesn’t make your name choice any more creative, you’re just condemning her to a lifetime of having to clarify “Jessica, but it’s spelled dumb”.
“I knew someone who named their kid Alikszyander. It is a normal name with the dumbest spelling I have ever seen.”
Gwyneth & Apple
“Gwyneth Paltrow naming her kid Apple.” Said one.
“Came here to contribute Gwyneth. Like, not the names she gave her children, but the ones her parents gave her. “Gw” together is eww to me, and the “th” ending just feels gross.” Another added.
Musk’s Children’s Names
“X Æ A-12 Musk” and “Exa Dark Sideræl Musk” spring to mind.” Said one.
“It makes sense if it’s a lie to confuse journalists and lose paparazzi, while they could actually have normal names in real life.” Another added.
Genuine Ho
“I knew a girl whose first name was Genuine and her last name was Ho. I remember thinking it cannot be for real. I honestly thought it was a misunderstanding. Her family were immigrants from an Asian country and first names like that were very common as their English given name. I think they just weren’t told by anyone about the implications. Poor girl.”
Kylo And Legolas
“Close friend of mine named his kids Kylo and Legolas and not sure why it annoys me so much but it does. He is mixing genres for no damn reason.” Said one.
“I went to school with siblings named Ben, Luke, Annikan and Leia. At least their parents stuck to a theme, I guess.” Another added.
Pop Culture Character Names
“Anything based on a pop culture character, looking particularly at Renesmee and Khaleesi but they’re all cringe.” Said one.
“Exactly, Khaleesi is an epithet. It’s like instead of naming your son “Alexander,” you just named him “the Great.” Another added.
“Koazy” & The Likes Of It
“Koazy. Storm. Dream. Smoke. Heavenly. Nevaeh. I could go on and on.” Said one.
“Koazy is the worst. It sounds weak and babyish, and the spelling reminds me of that pervy old dude who married the Olsen twin.” Another added.
Britany, Saxony, And Norman
“The wife met a family where the two preteen girls were named Britany and Saxony. When she asked if their brother was named Norman, they replied, “How did you know that?”
Abcde
“The first time I saw this in an article I thought they were protecting the name of the child. Then I looked it up and saw it’s an actual name.
From Wikipedia: Abcde (pronounced /ˈæbsədiː/) is a feminine given name. 328 children, all girls, were named Abcde in the United States between 1990 and 2014. As of 2017, 373 females were named Abcde. The name is derived from the first five letters of the English alphabet in order, and has no other origin or meaning.”
Adolf
“My great-grandfather was named Adolf. It was a perfectly normal name until he was in his 40s. He lived to be 101. Imagine having to live another 60 years with your name becoming the worst name ever. He started going by his middle name.”
Latrina
“I had it changed… used to be a Craphouse.” Said one.
“I came to say this. La is a nice start. Trina is a nice name on its own. Together, not so nice.” Another added.
Serverus
“I saw a post where a dad in Utah was mad that his kids’ school served tacos because “they aren’t American” or something along those lines. He mentioned his son’s name in the post: Serverus.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.