Our first relationships teach us valuable lessons that shape our views and values. A user took it to the forum, and asked, “What did you learn from your first relationship?”. Here are the top responses.
COMPATIBILITY IS IMPORTANT
“Compatibility with household cleanliness and organization habits is far more important than you think. Relationships where one partner cares a lot more about the household than the other will result in both parties resenting each other.”, said one user.
IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO FIX SOMEONE
“‘When someone shows you who they are, believe them, the first time.’ -Maya Angelou.
Several years after I learned that lesson the hard way, but I could never phrase it better. Going hand in hand with that, you can’t fix someone else, especially someone who’s given up on themselves.
You can only put that kind of energy and effort into yourself and expect to see returns. That one took me a couple or three ill-advised relationships, truthfully.”, said one user.
IT’S IMPORTANT TO FIX YOURSELF
“Sometimes you’re the problem too. Unpopular thing to say but if you see your actions as problematic, fix it. Don’t play the blame game. No one needs to learn how to ‘handle’ you.”, said one user.
IT’S OKAY IF IT ISN’T MEANT FOR YOU
“Some people aren’t meant for you. Don’t wait for them to be somebody they aren’t and don’t try to change them to fit what you want them to be.”, said one user.
HEARTBREAKS ARE A PART OF LIFE
“You’re going to get your heart broken sometimes. That, my friends, is life.”, said one user.
PAY ATTENTION TO THE JOKES
“If a guy jokes about hitting you and then gets mad/worried when you set a hard boundary, he’s testing the waters. My ex joked about me calling the police on him for domestic violence. I replied seriously that if he ever decided to lay a hand on me he should be prepared to lose it.
I didn’t actually think it was something he was capable of, until I found out from his own sister how he would treat his ex.”, said one user.
JUST LOVING SOMEONE IS NOT ENOUGH
“It’s not enough to love someone; the way that love is expressed matters a lot. For a great relationship, you have to love your partner in the way they need to be loved.”, said one user.
DON’T WAIT FOR THE PERFECT PERSON
“I didn’t have my first relationship until I was 30 which ended up in marriage and eventually divorce. The biggest lesson I took from it was that waiting for that “perfect” person was a complete waste of time.
I had a very difficult time dating when I was younger. I put too much pressure on each date for it to be something special.
The marriage taught me that I could actually be desirable and gave me confidence going forward. The divorce, on the other hand, made me a much more guarded and uncaring person. Turns out the uncaring part made it easier to go on dates (less anxiety) but harder for them to mean anything later on.”, said one user.
MAKE YOUR OWN DECISIONS
“Make your own decisions about what you want out of life instead of those that line up with what she wants out of her life. Almost followed a girl to Portland, and took a job I didn’t really want because I wanted to make “us” work.
So happy she cared enough about me to end things and tell me to find my own path. A wife, a successful military career, and a bunch of kids later, I’m eternally grateful things turned out the way they did.”, said one user.
DON’T BEG ANYONE TO STAY
“My first GF broke up with me over text right after she had left my place, walked her home even though we were both upset at each other. She refused to talk about it in person and then got mad at me for not fighting to keep her.
I think I dodged a bullet because I don’t think any relationship will work if one party refuses to communicate, uses breaking up to try to manipulate, or breaks up over text. All 3 in this case.”, said one user.
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.