In a love relationship, even the smallest gestures can speak volumes about a person. The other person can easily form an impression of you based on your actions, no matter how small.
A user asked the forum, have you ever gotten an “ick” from a potential partner or love interest that instantly killed your attraction to them? If so, what happened? Here are the top responses.
PLOTTING FOR A REVENGE
“The amount of time he spent plotting revenge, usually against his parents or ex-wife, should’ve been spent introspectively and on getting his life back on track.
We broke up shortly after that. Then we tried to reconcile. Then he smoked meth in front of me. And that was the end of that.”
BLAMING OTHERS
“Literally every single problem she had was someone else’s fault. Even when there was proof it was her fault, she would argue nonstop that it was someone else’s.
She got in a car wreck and repeatedly called insurance to tell them it was the other person’s fault. They checked the computer in her car because it saved the speed she was going right before the wreck. It told them everything they needed to know, and she STILL denied it.”
NEGATIVE TALK
“Dated a guy who seemed chill but kept talking about social media and how people/exes were scheming against him. I initially believed him until it got to a point where he thought things like a photo someone put up was an indicator that they were ‘getting him back’ when these people were doing normal things and posting normal stuff.
I think he was schizophrenic, but it was really unsettling. Months later, he rang me out of the blue to ask me about a link between his ex, myself, and a friend. The link was butterflies, and because of this link, he thought we were conspiring against him.”
EXTREME MOOD SWINGS
“She started to set up the relationship in a way that made me her emotional punching bag, to where I was to blame for her bad feelings. Nothing I could do or say in those moments could ever help the situation because that wasn’t my purpose in her life.
I was the distraction from her issues she refused to acknowledge. Her extreme moods weren’t because of her past, but because I said something the wrong way or laid on the clean sheets with a sweaty body.
The “ick” came about when I realized, at 40 years old, that this has ALWAYS been the pattern in my relationships with women, and it has everything to do with how my mom treated me.
She had her own massive trauma from being horribly abused as a child but used that as a shield to use me as her emotional and physical punching bag when she was in a bad mood. “You’re not being abused; I was abused.” was a line I heard constantly as she beat me on a regular basis.
Once I saw that for what it was, it disgusted me, but it also changed how I handle relationships now. And now I’m happily married for two years to a wonderful woman who never does that to me.”
BAD SMELL IN THE CAR
“I had a guy once whose car smelled so bad I had to try not to throw up while sticking my head out the window. He couldn’t smell it, and I thought I would die.
In the hot sun, he forgot about a double cheeseburger in the back of his car for over two weeks. I don’t know what bothered me more. The smell or the fact that it didn’t bother him.”
NOT TAKING CARE OF A DOG
“I dated this girl for a short while ( a month or so ), and I visited her home once while her family was out of town. It was just a mess and smelled bad because she had a lot of pets, birds, cats, a micro pig, and some very neglected dogs. The doggies were matted up, smelly, and seeking love and attention. I inquired about the dogs, and she said, “I don’t know; they’re not mine. ”
When I said Goodnight later from the car, she leaned close. I just didn’t feel connected anymore. I called her later and asked her more about the dogs. They were her fathers, and he was never around. Her sisters didn’t care for them.
So after a couple of nights, I stole the dogs and took them to a rescue shelter. They’re currently with a new loving home, and the girl’s family never even flinched at the dogs’ absence. I broke it off a few weeks later once I knew they were blissfully ignorant of their dogs being gone. She was a sweet girl and liked me a lot. Loads of affection. But I couldn’t be with someone who could just ignore some innocent lives that way.”
LYING
“Yeah, I went on a date with a girl who seemed perfectly fine. She was nice, made an interesting conversation, clearly cared, and put effort into the date. But then, halfway through, she gets a call on her Bluetooth headset, which I hadn’t even noticed beneath her hair.
I don’t know why, but it turned me off so quickly. It was a coworker calling, too, and she started discussing some clearly stressful topic – planning a meeting or something. They got too near arguing, and she kept rolling her eyes and sort of half-winking at me every time the coworker said something that annoyed her. She said she had just seen a car crash and had to run (which weirdly got me back into her a bit since that’s a slick move) but immediately called another coworker to complain about the first one. And kept winking at me.
This was all on a Saturday morning, by the way. One of the weirdest dates I’ve ever been on.”
NOT STOP TRAUMA DUMPING
“She started trauma dumping on me, and after telling her multiple times that I wasn’t comfortable talking about this in an extremely public place with kids around, she just kept going.
She went into extreme detail, too, showing me pictures and stuff. When I mentioned getting therapy, she said that she didn’t want to change.”
OVERCONFIDENCE
“Overconfidence. I had one guy I was on a first date with; he was nice enough. But then he started bragging that I should be happy that he drove one hour to see me and that he had other girls he could’ve seen instead. He was overly confident that I was in love with him, and I noped out so fast!”
INSECURITY
“Her insecurities led her to become very possessive early in a relationship, and it just got worse over a year before I gave up.
Tried to talk her through and around them. She was a very intentionally open and emotionally aware person who both held a psychology degree and was consistently in therapy. Still, she held me (and my physical appearance) in high regard and couldn’t get beyond her insecurities. It left me feeling objectified and untrusted to the extent that it created a disconnect.”
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