Inviting someone to a party you’re not the host might usually sound weird. But what if it’s about your birthday night and the person is your significant other?
A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for inviting my boyfriend to my birthday dinner?”. We need to hear your thoughts!
BACKSTORY
One of the Original Poster’s (OP’s)(25F) best friends (28F) offered to plan a dinner to celebrate OP’s 25th birthday about a month ago.
“My best friend (we’ll call her “Naomi”) invited my friends and some co-workers (we work together) to a very casual restaurant after all of our shifts,” says OP.
FOR CONTEXT
For context, OP and her boyfriend (30M) had been dating for four months at the time of this event, and they met at work.
CALEB WASN’T INVITED
OP decided to work on her birthday, and when he arrived, her boyfriend (we’ll call him “Caleb”) asked if she wanted to come to his place that night. OP asked if he meant after dinner, to which he got perplexed. OP asked him if Naomi had mentioned OP’s birthday dinner, and he said she hadn’t.
NAOMI’S EXCUSE
When OP spoke to Naomi about it, she told OP it was “weird to invite Caleb” because he wasn’t “as close to the rest of them” and that having him there would be awkward.
OP WAS CONFUSED
She (OP) was incredibly confused because Caleb has worked at their mutual workplace longer than OP has, so he knew all of OP’s friends before OP did.
“Plus, Caleb and I were friends for several months before we started our romantic relationship,” says OP.
WHAT DID OP DO NEXT?
OP had to walk away from the situation because OP didn’t want to put undue stress on her relationship with Naomi.
OP INVITED CALEB ANYWAY
She (OP) invited Caleb to the dinner anyway, but Naomi kept making weird comments and awkward jokes all night. Caleb and OP left early from the dinner because OP was so uncomfortable.
IS OP THE JERK?
In the month since the dinner, Naomi has been way more distant from OP than usual.
“I don’t think I’m a jerk. Caleb and I have a very healthy relationship, and I can’t imagine spending my birthday without him. Was there a different way I should have handled the situation?” asks OP.
INVITING HIM WAS THE RIGHT CALL
“Not the jerk. It is awkward to invite someone to an event someone else is hosting, even if that event is for you. But given it’s your significant other and he should have been invited, and it’s obvious the host didn’t invite him on purpose but gave no real explanation, asking him was the right call.
I suggest figuring out what’s going on with Naomi, though. Because something is suspicious right now, and it’s worth trying to talk about it with her and him.
MAYBE IT WAS INTENTIONAL
“Not the jerk. Naomi has something weird going on at the workplace. It would’ve been awkward not to invite Caleb, which could have hurt your relationship. Maybe that was her intention?”
YOU DID NOTHING WRONG
“Something is going on with Naomi regarding you and Caleb. You did nothing wrong. Not the jerk.”
IT WAS BOUND TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE
“Not the jerk. However, when you walked away from the situation unresolved and invited your boyfriend anyway, it was bound to be uncomfortable. Avoiding the confrontation by walking away from the situation contributed. So you ended up with a strained relationship with your friend. Next time, try to resolve the conflict before the event fully.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.