Small compromises are inevitable in a relationship, but compromising your self-respect is never the answer. An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for going home after my in-laws excluded me from dinner at a restaurant?”.
We need to hear your thoughts on the issue.
Backstory
The Original Poster (OP) (F26) went on a “family trip” with her in-laws two weeks ago. OP’s MIL always thought that OP is a bit “ignorant” and “backward” and that just because OP comes from a lower-class family (compared to hers) that she has no “etiquette”.
The Fancy Dinner Night
After they arrived at the hotel, they arranged to visit a fancy restaurant for dinner. OP’s husband avoided telling OP and she learned it last minute after he had already got dressed.
OP Wasn’t Invited
OP asked where he was going and he said he & family were going to eat out but OP wasn’t invited because his mom “assumed” that since OP wouldn’t be familiar with the food and “how to eat it” there at the restaurant, then she should stay in and eat at the hotel.
OP didn’t argue, she just let him go, and then she packed and took the first flight home.
OP’s Husband’s Reaction
OP’s husband freaked out and called many times. When he found out that she went home, he blew up and called her ridiculous and irrational to do this.
Even said that she acted in an ungrateful manner and embarrassed him in front of his family after he literally begged them to let her come along on the trip.
The Final Fuss
They argued and he started giving OP silent treatment after he came home. Moreover, his family is indirectly criticizing OP on Facebook for what she did.
Did OP Overreact?
“He didn’t even mention what type of food they ordered. The family didn’t plan on having me come along but my husband, as he said, ‘begged them’ to invite me.
This isn’t just with me, my BIL’s girlfriend wasn’t invited as well. They paid for my expenses so I didn’t want to act like I’m being needy/or something.”, says OP.
Now OP asks if she is a jerk for returning back home after she was uninvited for dinner at the restaurant.
Their Behavior Is Completely Unacceptable
“Not the jerk. It’s offensive for your husband and his family to exclude you from this dinner. Their reason for doing so is atrocious.
It’s even worse for him not to inform you in advance that he’d be having dinner without you. It’s also wrong that your husband doesn’t understand why his behavior and his family’s behavior is completely unacceptable just compounds their jerky behavior.”
You Under-Reacted!
“You under-reacted: His family may be a bunch of idiots, but he didn’t defend you when his mother said such atrocities? He actually thinks his mother is right and you don’t belong there.
Get out, now, fast, and find yourself someone who appreciates you. Not the jerk!”
That’s Probably The Lowest-Class Thing Ever!
“The irony is that your in-laws’ boorish behavior of excluding you in such a way and for such extremely lame classist reasons is probably the lowest-class thing they could do. Not the jerk.
Also, I hope this gets said a lot in these comments – you definitely have an SO problem. He should have shut down that garbage the moment it started spewing from their mouths.”
Stand Your Ground
“Not the jerk. If he really thought it was better for you to stay at the hotel (and actually better, not just better for his mother) then he should have asked, or suggested, not snuck around and hid.
How can he humiliate you and then be annoyed when you don’t just lie down and take it? Stand your ground.”
Post Your Side Of The Story On Facebook
“Not the jerk. Your husband is as much at fault as his family, he must have agreed with them since he kept it from you and went by himself. I personally like what you did.
I guess you could reply to their Facebook post with your side of the story.”
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