A woman asks her partner to contribute more to the rent, but he deflects her request by suggesting that she spends less money and even asks if he needs to pay her for being a parent. She is feeling confused and unsupported and is seeking help.
The financial burden can result in a lot of stress and tension in a marriage. A user took to the forum and asked, “Am I wrong for wanting my husband to start paying more for our housing?”
Here is the full story for you to decide:
Backstory
The Original Poster (OP) is a 29-year-old woman who has been in a relationship with her husband, a 30-year-old man since she was 20. They got married when she was 26. They moved in together; OP was 25 then, and they split their rent equally.
Both Have Good Jobs
Both OP and the husband had jobs that paid well.
At the time, OP was making USD 65000, her husband was making USD 80000, and they lived in a large U.S. city. Breaking the $2600 monthly rent 50/50 didn’t make a massive difference in OP’s budget compared to her husband’s.
What Happened After Marriage
After getting married and becoming pregnant a few months later, OP became a stay-at-home mom and continued working.
She found a full-time remote job in her field, but this job came with a salary cut from USD 65000 to 50000. Despite the salary cut, they continued to split the rent for their apartment evenly.
What Happened With The Husband
Between the ages of 26 and 30, OP’s husband received several raises and switched jobs. He was currently a senior business analyst, earning around USD 195000 per year.
As they were expecting a child and needed a bigger apartment, they found a 3-bedroom apartment that cost USD 4000 per month.
Husband Insists On Splitting Rent Equally
Despite OP’s protests and desire to find a smaller, less expensive apartment, her husband insisted on splitting the rent equally. In the end, OP felt that she had let herself get walked over by her husband, who was a smooth talker, but she still loved him.
What Happened Next
Fast forward 2.5 years, and the couple’s rent had increased to USD 4400. OP’s take-home pay after taxes was approximately USD 3600 monthly, but she paid USD 2200 in rent. Additionally, OP cared for their child and home, doing daily chores and cooking.
What Does OP Feel
Meanwhile, her husband worked from 8 am to 6 pm but typically came home at 7 pm. OP was feeling burnt out and struggling financially.
She felt like her husband was living a life of luxury while she could barely afford things she enjoyed. Although her husband did take her out on dates and vacations, OP felt that that was not enough for her and that he didn’t understand her struggles.
What Happened Next?
Two days ago, OP seriously discussed their financial situation with her husband. She suggested splitting the rent based on their respective incomes and paying an equal percentage of their income to make things fairer.
However, her husband’s reaction surprised her. He asked why having an extra USD 1600 per month wasn’t enough for her and suggested that she spend less on extracurricular activities, which OP found amusing as she didn’t have time for any.
OP told him she was essentially working two full-time jobs and needed help. Her husband asked if she suggested he pay her for being a mother, leaving OP stunned and speechless.
What Did He Do
Regardless, OP’s husband maintains that their current lifestyle was what they had agreed upon when they moved in together many years ago. However, he either does not understand or does not want to understand the current situation and the toll it is taking on OP.
As a result of the conversation, OP’s husband was angry with her and believed that she was being selfish. He had been giving her the cold shoulder for the past few days. OP felt the urge to apologize and take back her suggestion, as she often did in such situations, but she truly believed she was right this time.
What Others Think
“Not a jerk. Married people with children who keep separate bank accounts and argue about who pays for what are weird. You’re not roommates.”
This Is Strange
“Not a jerk – this is a strange financial situation. You are married and in a partnership, your finances need to reflect that.
Your hubby also needs to be waaaay more flexible. Are you going to live your whole lives together by a set of rules agreed when you were 20. Is that how he still expects you to live at 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 and 80. I’m assuming when you made this agreement you hadn’t factored your kids in?
You guy’s need to sit down and work out a joint budget and start using joint accounts.”
He Seems Like A Jerk
“Not a jerk but it sure sounds like he is. And I have to say this money segregation is not working for y’all.
If you want to do it fairly while not combining finances, then do it by percentage of income. But you can’t both sit down and discuss this calmly is very troubling. Marriage is a team endeavor, and you are each playing solo.”
What is your opinion on the situation described, particularly regarding the issue of splitting rent based on income in a marriage? What would you do in this situation?
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The article originally appeared on Mrs Daaku Studio.