Selfless acts are becoming increasingly rare, but a child caring for her brother is a heartwarming example of kindness. It is important to recognize and reward such behavior, as it will help to nurture her good character.
A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk because I got my daughter a $80 dress?”. Read the complete story to decide for yourself.
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster’s (OP) family just got back from a week-long cruise, and he says that there is still some tension about this. He and his wife took their 20 year old son, 16 year old daughter, 13 year old son, and 7 year old son.
WHAT DID THEIR OLDEST SON DO?
Their oldest spent most of his time on vacation doing his own thing, having breakfast and dinner with the family but being seldom seen otherwise.
HOW OP AND HIS WIFE SPEND THEIR TIME?
He and his wife enjoyed spending time with their kids but also did some couple’s activities.
THEIR 13-YEAR-OLD ENJOYED
He says that there are clubs on the boat for kids, and their 13yo really enjoyed them, but their 7yo didn’t and kept wanting to spend the day with his sister, who they had given carte blanche to do her own thing as long as she ate with them and answered when they messaged her.
WHAT DID THEIR 13-YEAR-OLD DO?
She was a good sport and took her little brother on most of her adventures, swimming with her, taking him to trivia, and doing animation classes with him.
WHAT DID OP THINK ABOUT THIS?
He felt like this was very sweet of her and showed a great deal of maturity. On the second to last day of the cruise, he took her to the gift shop and told her to pick out whatever she wanted as thanks for looking after her brother.
SHE WAS EXCITED
He says that her daughter was very excited and picked out a dress.
The dress was $80. She wore it to dinner that night, and when she told her mom that he had bought it for her, his wife gave him a weird look.
WHAT WAS HIS WIFE’S REACTION?
He says that after dinner, she asks him why the hell he did that.
He explained that it was a reward for looking after her brother. His wife said that they couldn’t buy an $80 dress for their daughter and nothing for their sons.
WHAT WAS HIS EXPLANATION?
He said that they didn’t get them anything; they took them on a cruise.
He says that his wife said that he was an idiot. He says that he doesn’t think it is wrong.
He also added that he got some trinkets for the younger boys, about $20. His wife thinks he messed up and should apologize to the boys. But he refuses.
WHAT WAS OP’S FINAL THOUGHTS?
He says they took their adult son on a vacation that cost thousands of dollars, and he has no reason to resent his sister being rewarded for being thoughtful.
He also added that if they got their 7yo and 13yo a really expensive souvenir, it would probably be lost or broken.
OP says that his wife still thinks that he is a jerk.
OP’S CLARIFICATION
He clarifies that they didn’t ask their daughter to babysit her brother. That’s not the case. What kept happening was that she would tell them her plans for the day, and 7yo would say he’d rather do that than go to the kid’s club, and she would agree to let him come with her. So it was more just her being a nice sister than actual babysitting.
He also added that she could always drop him off at the club. He wanted to reward her because he thought it was so sweet of her not to do that and to make her brother feel good about his cool older sister wanting to hang out with him.
Now OP wants to know if he is a jerk.
IT IS A GREEN FLAG
“Green flag, green flag! What a thoughtful way to acknowledge your daughter. You’re right, and your 20-year-old son got a free vacation, as did your 13-year-old and 7-year-old. Your daughter graciously did a service for the family.
Not a jerk. Your wife does not seem to want to recognize that your 16-year-old daughter is not the built-in babysitter. What extra service did her brothers do to warrant extra gifts? At least she didn’t make a scene in front of your daughter and addressed it with you privately.
Just read your edit; I think I like your daughter even more. No one asked her to watch her brother, and she was just nice enough not to say no when he said he wanted to hang out with her.”
SELFLESSNESS MUST BE ENCOURAGED
“Yeah, not a jerk at all. I have four kids, and 1 of them never asks for anything and always offers to help, so they get extra stuff ever so often because selflessness should be encouraged.”
IT IS VALUABLE
“If your wife is concerned about all of her children getting “equal treatment,” this should also include their responsibilities. It was very sweet of your daughter to spend time with her brother and allow you and your wife to have some alone time.
I’ve seen this very often (and I have experienced it first hand) that the women in a family are expected to contribute as caregivers for the elderly and the youngest in the family. The fact you acknowledge her work is very valuable and sets her a great example.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.