Is there something your parents did to you that almost ruined your childhood and you won’t ever let your kids go through it?
A netizen recently asked, “What is the one thing your parents did that you decided you would not do to your kids?”. Have a look at the top responses below!
Physical & Mental Abuse
“My mom used to beat the hell out of me! Embarrassed me by telling private things to the whole family and always compared me with others so I’m not doing that to my daughter! She’ll be truly loved!”
Invalidate Their Feelings
“Invalidate their feelings. I have three boys. The oldest is 6, the second is 3 and the youngest is 19 months. Since the oldest started walking and being able to tell us what he wanted and felt I’ve always been careful about how I either say no to something they want or how I talk about their feelings.
I’m big on saying “You are allowed to feel this way, and your feelings are never wrong, but sometimes what you want you can’t have, and you can be sad, or angry about that, but screaming and throwing things isn’t how we show we’re upset.”
I was told my feelings were “wrong” several times by my grandmother because somehow I was supposed to be able to fix feeling worthless, inadequate, and depressed, just because she said there was no reason to be feeling that way.
Oh, and it wasn’t her fault I felt a certain way, and she would take no responsibility for the fact she hurt my feelings by something she said, and it was my fault for taking “you never clean right” or whatever remark she made as hurtful, and I just need to grow a thicker skin.
I’m also very careful when it comes to doing things like grades or tests. I was always told I could do better, even when I made a perfect A, it was always you can do better, which is where the inadequate feelings came from, because I felt like no matter what I did, or how hard I tried, nothing would ever be good enough.
So I’m careful when the boys ask how they did on something. I try very hard not to downplay it, but also not go off the deep end on how they can always do better. I know I’m not perfect at it, but I’m pretty sure I don’t make my kids feel like trash for doing their all and still not being good enough.”
Ridicule And Criticize Everything They Like
“Ridicule and criticize everything they like. Their music, hobbies I don’t get, the phases they go through, their struggle with food. If I were to confront my parents now, 10 years later, they still wouldn’t understand.”
Not Showing Affection
“Parents never showed affection or said they loved me (my mum first told me she loved me when I was 26 – because of this I struggle to tell people I love them without getting a frog in my throat). I shower my 1-year-old with cuddles and kisses and tell him how much I love him every day.”
Body Shaming & Unnecessary Judging
“I will not body shame my kids or judge them on their style. My mom really criticized me a lot when I was a teen because of the way I dressed or did my makeup. I was so self-conscious because of this and it has taken me until my 30’s to finally love myself. I never want my kids to feel that way.”
Give Them A Ridiculous Amount Of Chores
“Give them a ridiculous amount of chores each day. I decided a few chores are fine, but their main chore is to be a good student and enjoy their childhood.”
“Be so overprotective they are forced to sneak around and lie to me.”
“Homeschooling. Living in a bubble is bad, growing up in a bubble is dangerous. Also, school is important because you learn to socialize.”
Lying & Not Apologizing
“My dad lied to me a couple of times when I was a kid. Even when I put him on the spot and asked about it, he held on to his lie. He underestimated my judgment at the time. I could tell from a mile away though.
I’ll never make that mistake with my kids. Always be honest, it’s the best way to earn their trust and like someone else said, apologize profusely when you mess up. Be humble. Something else my parents never did.”
Be Emotionally Unavailable
“Be emotionally unavailable. Though my parents provided for me physically, I could hardly tell them things growing up because they’d either get mad at me or act like having needs was a burden.
I want my kids to be able to come to me for anything, and know that I still love them even if things aren’t sunshine and rainbows all the time.”
Forcing Them To Get A Job At An Early Age
“Forcing them to get a job at an early age in order to build a work ethic. I started working when I was 14, and haven’t stopped since. I am thankful for the drive and ambition that I have, but I spent most of my formative years working when others were studying and pursuing other interests.
I think a good work ethic is important, but a healthy balance is critical.”
Not Overreact To Anything
“Not overreact to anything. I don’t tell my mom anything because she always did this over everything. Yes I know I messed up now tell me my punishment so I can go about my day instead of sitting here yelling for 5+ minutes.
It’s for this reason right here why I don’t tell her anything unless I have no choice. I could quite literally be on fire and I would call anyone else first before calling her. My mom is not a bad mom but it’s a bit much to deal with.
Screaming every now and again. Cool, that happens but every time? Come on now, that stuff gets old.”
Make Them Blindly Obedient
“Make them blindly obedient. It may seem far-fetched but it made me a people pleaser in wanting to gain acceptance from well…everyone.
I wish they taught me that it’s okay to speak up especially if someone is hurting you even if you are scared you’ll ‘be in trouble’. Those things need to be talked about, not just swept under the rug.
Would’ve saved me a lot of trauma too. I won’t let my little girl go through that.”
‘Protect’ Them From The Truth
“‘Protect’ them from the truth. My parents never had candid conversations about the difficulties in life, the gritty, vile and disturbing things that can happen. Death, divorce, abuse, depression, and doubting religion, were all kept hush-hush.
They never once discussed the birds and the bees, or anything to do with sexual relationships. I loved my parents but they always fell back on that sanitized religious explanation to everything.”
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