Having a miserable childhood without the presence of an active parent by your side can be one of the worst situations ever. A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk if I don’t want to bond with my little brother?”. We need your opinion on the matter!
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster (OP) (F17) has never been close to her parents. OP wasn’t planned since both her parents had her when they were 18.
OP’S RELATIONSHIP WITH HER PARENTS
OP’s father always made it clear that OP was a mistake and that if she hadn’t been born, he could have had an everyday life for an 18-year-old (parties, dating, pursuing his career).
“My mother wasn’t like this, but she’s always been cold emotionally and never showed me any kind of affection, but she cared about my well-being at least,” says OP.
THE DIVORCE
This made OP’s upbringing extremely hard because she didn’t even have any other family to care for her. For obvious reasons, this messed OP up a lot. When OP was 14, her parents divorced, and almost instantly, her dad met this other woman, “Lila,” and they got engaged.
AFTER THEIR SPLIT
After their split, OP mostly stayed with her mom because when she went to her dad’s, it was clear that nobody wanted her there, and at least her mom was more tolerant of her.
A YEAR AGO
A year ago, OP’s dad married Lila, and they had a baby boy named “Alex.” Alex was a planned child. It was clear since both OP’s dad and Lila were pleased about it and adorned their home full of pictures of Alex.
“They purchased a lot of toys for him and treated him with so much love. This only messed me up more, and if I am honest, jealous to see how much my dad loved this kid, but he never loved or treated me like that”, says OP.
OP FEELS INSECURE
Since OP’s brother was born, she has stopped visiting her dad and talking to him because now she feels much more pain. For some reason, he tries to make OP visit his place to spend time and “bond” with Alex, but OP refuses every time because seeing that kid brings her pain.
“My dad has also even asked me to babysit the kid, which I refused,” says OP.
OP OPENS UP TO HER MOM
OP’s mom had asked OP why she doesn’t go to her dad’s anymore. OP hesitantly told her the truth, and she suggested that OP try to bond with the child since he’s her only sibling and not at fault.
“I told her that I didn’t want to and that I am not planning to bond with him or visit my father,” says OP.
OP’S FEELINGS RIGHT NOW
“If I’m being 100% honest, I feel bitter and salty towards the toddler. I know he’s not at fault, but I can’t help it. I can’t even see him in the pictures. I need to know if I am too overly dramatic and a jerk for feeling like this towards an innocent child.
I get affected just by seeing how much they love and cherish him. I know it’s a kid, and he deserves all the love and joy, but I would prefer to stay away from him as much as I can. Am I a jerk?” asks OP.
YOU’RE NOT BEING OVERLY DRAMATIC
“You’re not being overly dramatic at all, but it may be worth asking your mom to see a therapist alone and with her. Getting your feelings out with a professional and possibly improving your relationship with your mom could go a long way in helping you live a happier adult life. Lots of love.”
YOU’RE DOING YOURSELF A FAVOR
“You aren’t punishing your half-brother. You are keeping yourself from feeling hurt. I’m also pretty certain your father wants you to bond with him so they can get a free babysitter.”
PRIORITIZE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH
“Not the jerk, and it seems like it would be better for your mental health to just stay away. With such a large age gap, it’s unlikely you’d be close anyway, and I suspect your father is looking for a babysitter rather than a big sister. It’s not punishing a child not to have a relationship with them; you have every reason to be hurt over how you were treated.”
TIME TO GO NO CONTACT
“Time to go, no contact. I know it’s not the kids’ fault. The kid is innocent. But you are not wrong in wanting nothing to do with your father or his new child, and I do not blame you.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.