On a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it be for you if your parents had a third person romantically and mutually involved in their relationship? Plus, they ask you to develop a bond with him or worse, invite him to your big day.
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for not wanting my polycule parents at my wedding?”. We need to hear your thoughts on the issue.
The Original Poster’s (OP’s) parents are in a polycule relationship with a man. OP has always been mildly uncomfortable with it just due to a variety of features about the whole thing.
For starters, the man is as young as OP is and he basically now lives in OP’s former room that belonged to OP in his growing up years.
“I don’t say anything about it as it’s their life and they can live it as they like but, and I’ll be completely honest here, all of it sort of discomforts me.
Nevertheless, I have my own life and I still love them and I try not to think of that in any capacity. They are happy and that’s good for them.”, says OP.
OP’s Soon-To-Be Wedding
With that background out of the way, OP is getting married soon and he wanted his parents to be there of course. They were happy for OP and it was great.
Then, OP and his SO got to arranging everything for the wedding and they eventually began arranging the seating. OP wanted to run his seating plan by his parents as they know some people better so he emailed it to them and asked them to look it over.
The ‘Missing’ Seat
OP’s parents looked it over and then they called OP that he had missed a seat for Dave (a fake name for their significant other).
OP told them he didn’t think Dave would be coming. They said they would all be coming and OP said he’s not sure if it’s a good idea.
OP tried to tip-toe to gently tell them to not bring Dave but they were insistent, so he was frank with them. OP told them he was uncomfortable with Dave coming and that he wanted to share his special day with them, not Dave.
OP tried to explain why he didn’t think it was appropriate.
All Hell Broke Loose
At this point, things took a turn for the worse. They had a back-and-forth which basically devolved into a fight.
Eventually, they basically said they’d much rather just not come if they couldn’t come as a couple. OP, in a moment of anger, then said “Great, then don’t come” in a passive-aggressive tone.
How Does OP Feel?
OP hasn’t talked to his parents since then. In a way, OP feels like they’ve changed so much from when he was young.
OP still loves them and he still wanted them to come but all of this is just not how he imagined his wedding going. It’s their life to live but this is OP’s wedding.
It’s supposed to be about OP and his SO surrounded by people they cherish. Dave and OP have no relationship. He is a stranger to OP and, respectfully, OP genuinely is completely fine with that.
“I want them to come but if they want to bring Dave, I much rather they just don’t. I love them but I don’t want Dave there. So, Am I a jerk?”, asks OP.
Your Parents Are The Real Jerks
“Not the jerk. Your parents definitely are, though. If this is the hill they want to die on then let them. It’s your wedding. They should respect your boundaries.
Let them know again they are welcome to come, but just Mom and Dad, not the weird stranger that they’re in a relationship with.”
Anybody Would Be Uncomfortable!
“Not the jerk. It’s pretty despicable of your parents to behave this way. And honestly, I would be extremely uncomfortable if they are sleeping with someone my age who is living in my childhood room. That’s a level of nonsense I’d never get over.”
Your Wedding, Your Choice!
“Not the jerk. The relationship your parents have with Dave is between them and him, not you and him.
It’s your wedding and you get to choose who you invite, not your parents. People don’t have to say yes to attending but nobody should be able to force someone to be there that the couple don’t want.”
This Is Next-Level Nonsense!
“The fact that you don’t want to invite someone to your wedding is your prerogative. I will also add that your parents being in a relationship with someone your age is 100% nonsense. Poly is one thing but this… urgh.”
You Don’t Have To Put Up With That Idiot
“It’s your wedding and if this person makes you uncomfortable, you shouldn’t have to put up with his presence. Too bad for them that their boy toy is more important than your wedding.”
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