A mother is torn between attending her son’s graduation and her daughter’s. She knows that she can only be at one, and she is struggling with the decision. She asks the internet if she is a jerk for choosing her son’s graduation.
A user asked, Am I wrong for telling my daughter that I’ll miss her graduation to attend my son’s?
Background Details:
The Original Poster (OP) is a 43-year-old female with two children, her daughter May is 21, and her son Luke is 17.
May’s father and OP split shortly after she was born, and OP met her now husband when she was about a year old. Due to work and life circumstances, May primarily stayed with her father but visited OP and her family on the weekends when she was younger.
She Is A Bright Girl
She’s an incredibly bright girl; she has an AA, she’s about to graduate with her BA, and she’s been accepted into a Masters’s program that starts in the fall.
OP says, “I’m so proud of her; I can’t say that enough.”
What Happened Next?
OP says her son Luke is graduating from high school this year, and she found out that his graduation is a few days after her daughter’s.
They don’t live very close by anymore, so it would be back-and-forth flights which don’t feel practical.
What Does OP Say
OP says, “Since May is getting another degree, I’ve told her I’ll attend her following graduation, but this time I’m just going to attend her brother’s since graduating high school is such a big step.”
How Did May React?
May seemed a little upset initially, but she told OP it was fine and that she understood. OP’s ex called me later and told her that OP wasn’t considering May’s feelings.
OP says, “Her HS graduation in 2020 was canceled due to lockdown, then her ceremony for her AA was virtual for the same reason, so now that she’s finally having one, my not going has hurt her.”
Read: 18 Things You Never Realized the Pandemic Has Completely Ruined
What Did OP Say
OP says, “I told my ex that I’d go to her next one and that it was unfair that I just did not show up for her brother. He says it’s more than possible for me to come to see her graduate and then fly back in time to see my son do the same. My thing is that, yes, it’s possible, but it isn’t practical.”
May told OP she is a little upset about it, so she vented to her dad, but she apologized for making it an issue. OP says, “I don’t know how to feel about this now”.
She wants to know if is a jerk
You Should Go To Both
“You are a jerk. it isn’t fair to pick between your son and daughter. If it’s possible to go to both, then you should even if it doesn’t seem practical.
My other question is, why is it even relevant of which parent she grew up with primarily? Both are your children. It shouldn’t matter if she grew up with her dad.”
Read: 21 Things You’re Saying That Make People Dislike You “Instantly”: Guilty of Any?
High School Is Common Place
“YTA, but I can I be the one to point out that graduating from high school isn’t a big step? It’s more commonplace nowadays I feel like graduating from college is a bigger step, so if she has to choose, then support her daughter.”
Show Support For Her
“100% this.
Sometimes part of being a parent is for your life to get hectic. It’s only for a few days; you can deal with it. This is a milestone in her life, and you won’t bother because it’s inconvenient for you. Choosing between your children is just a stupid thing to do, especially when you admit it’s possible to go to both.
It’s her first graduation; show your support and be there for her like you’ll be there for Luke. YTA.”
Read: Strange but True: 10 European Habits That Leave Americans Scratching Their Heads
Don’t Blame The Practically
“The fact that op is blaming the practicality is bs. She could go but literally just doesn’t feel like making the effort. I’m sure May is just telling her mother, “oh, it’s ok,” but is extremely hurt. I doubt this is the first time op didn’t want to put in the effort for her daughter. Sounds like her poor daughter is just used to being second to golden child brother.
You are a jerk, majorly.”
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