The feeling of being left out is, without a doubt, the crappiest feeling in the world. But some people just happen to deserve it all, don’t they? Is that the case in this incident we encountered online? You decide.
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for excluding my new neighbor from stuff and hurting her feelings?”. Read on to know what happened.
Backstory
Last month, Original Poster, OP’s old neighbors moved out and some new ones moved in. A couple in their late twenties with four small children.
The wife is a SAHM and the husband is a trucker. OP went to introduce herself and bring them a pie right after they moved in. OP didn’t really like their vibe but she’s a friendly person so she tried inviting the wife to things.
A Bit About OP’s Neighborhood
Their neighborhood is small, a collection of ten houses. Everyone knows everyone and is generally pretty friendly. No one else has young kids, though. It’s primarily couples with no kids or older couples whose kids moved out.
OP hangs out with two of her female neighbors who are a similar age to OP’s own (mid-twenties). They go on walks, have lunch at each other’s houses, etc. OP only works three days a week so she has a lot of free time.
The Two Times OP Invited Molly
OP invited the new neighbor, Molly, to two different things. Lunch at OP’s house and also a walk/hike OP and the others were going on. Both times, she just assumed she could bring her kids and showed up at OP’s house with them.
OP Turned Her Away
OP turned her away from lunch at her house because she doesn’t want four rowdy kids under the age of six in her not-childproof house. Molly was upset because she has no one who can ever watch them, and she can’t come without them.
She did bring her kids on a walk with them but they couldn’t go in the forest because of her stroller so it kind of ruined things for them.
“There’s no trees or shade in the neighborhood and the summer heat makes it awful, the forest is much better”, says OP.
What Did OP Do Next?
Since then OP has been avoiding Molly like the plague, she just doesn’t want to be her friend.
OP barely knows the woman and she feels like Molly’s behavior is pretty inappropriate and she’s maybe just not picking up on social cues.
What Happened Today?
Today OP and her other neighbors went for a walk in the forest, and Molly saw them go. She texted OP to ask why she wasn’t invited, and OP said it’s because they don’t want their plans to be altered by her children, and she’s expressed that she can’t do anything without her children.
She went on a rant and said they don’t understand what it’s like to raise up 4 kids without anyone else to help, and she called them all jerks.
What Does OP Say?
OP says, “I agree with her that I don’t understand what it’s like because I would personally never choose to have four kids with an absent husband. I feel like she’s being unreasonable to expect us to have a bad time just so she can have a good time.
Her kids were super annoying and hard to deal with. My husband thinks she’s a jerk but my mom thinks I should be more sympathetic. Am I a jerk for excluding my neighbor from activities?”
You Don’t Need To Befriend Her Unwillingly
“Not the jerk. You don’t have to be friends with someone you don’t want to. You don’t even need to have a reason. You’re not a jerk for not wanting to be around screaming kids all the time, and from experience, if you invite a mom with multiple kids chances are they’re gonna expect some help, why should you be forced to?
She is acting like she’s entitled to your time and company but she isn’t, being a neighbor doesn’t equal having to be friends. Idk why people are being ridiculous, they’re trying to get you to be friends with a person that you do not enjoy being around, you and ur friends in the neighborhood had a schedule and just because she moved in that doesn’t mean your life now have to shift to accommodate her.
If you don’t want to be friends with someone, then people telling you to be are the jerk for trying to force a relationship you don’t want.”
Molly’s Behavior Was Outrageous
“If someone invites you to their house or an activity or something you can’t just bring as many other people as you want. OP invited one person to lunch. Molly brought five people total and expected OP to accommodate her.
What if OP didn’t have enough food to feed an extra four people? And to top it off, Molly called OP names for not inviting her to things. I wouldn’t want to be Molly’s friend either. Not the jerk”
Expecting Others To Alter Their Plans Is Ridiculous
“Not the jerk. If you choose to have kids, that’s on you. You don’t get to then put that on others and expect them to alter plans to suit you.”
Both Of You Sound Awful
“Everyone’s in the wrong. She shouldn’t have assumed her children were welcome on the walk and lunch but since these are not explicitly adult activities you should have specified.
What I think makes you the bigger jerk than her is the ‘absent father’ comment in your post. He’s not absent. He’s at work. There is a difference. You sound so judgey.
Or to your mind, should no truckers, military, merchant navy, and a million other professions that include travel or stints away from home be entitled to have a family?”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.