In general, it is important to be supportive of your partner, but it is also necessary to set boundaries and communicate your needs to maintain a healthy and balanced relationship.
An internet user took to the forum and asked, “Am I wrong For Not Paying Fiancés Debt With Wedding Gift From My Family?”
Backstory
The Original Poster (OP) and her fiancé have been in a relationship for three years and engaged four months ago. OP’s parents have informed them that they will be gifting a certain amount of money as a wedding gift and to assist with the wedding reception expenses.
However, the fiancé’s family did not offer any financial help for the wedding, and it was unclear if they would give a gift later. OP’s fiancé’s family could afford to contribute but had chosen not to.
How Is OP’s Fiance
OP’s fiancé had been struggling with managing his finances and neglecting to pay off his debts since they started dating.
His total debt was around $6,000, which increased from $2,000 when they first met. Despite the situation, the fiancé seemed to choose not to work as much as he could, as he only works around 30-35 hours per week even though his job allows him to work more than 40 hours per week.
He took a few weeks off from work recently due to a move but could have only taken one week off instead.
What Happened Next?
OP has found herself paying for most expenses, including groceries, utilities, and pet food, even though her fiancé frequently assures her he will cover the next time.
Her fiancé only contributed around one-third of the total expenses, and although that somewhat reflects their income ratio, he could easily earn more if he worked more hours. Despite having opportunities to apply for significantly better-paying jobs, he chose to stay in a lower-paying position. He even turned down several jobs that offered $10 or more per hour with better benefits.
What Did OP’s Fiancé Request For?
OP’s fiancé was requesting to use the gift money that OP received from her parents to pay off his debt, even though OP had used a portion of it to cover unexpected expenses such as medical treatment and car repairs.
What Did He Say
OP’s fiancé argued that using the money to pay his debt was only fair since they both used some of the funds. However, OP believed that she wouldn’t have had to use any of the money if her fiancé had contributed more equally to their shared expenses. OP had no debts, owned her car, and had already paid off her student loans.
OP’s fiancé had a habit of paying only the minimum amount due on his credit card, leading to the accumulation of high-interest charges.
Additionally, he spent money on unnecessary things, such as cigarettes, top-shelf marijuana, and ordering food through delivery services like Door Dash.
What Did OP Decide?
OP and her fiancé had already decided to separate their finances even after getting married, so his debt would not become her responsibility.
They had planned to use any remaining funds from the wedding and reception expenses to make a down payment on a house. However, if they used $6,000 to pay off his debt, they would only have around $2,000 left for the down payment, causing tension.
What Does OP Say
OP understands that paying off her fiancé’s debt would help him get ahead, but she also worries that he may continue to work fewer hours and rely on her to cover the expenses or even accumulate more debt.
OP’s income is about $15 per hour more than her fiancé’s, which made a difference in the long run. However, she still finds it challenging to make ends meet as she tries to be more frugal with her spending. OP understands the importance of being careful with her finances since she feels she is carrying her fiancé financially.
What Did OP DO?
OP informed her fiancé that if he received any monetary gifts from his family members, he could use that money to pay off his debt. However, OP explained to him that the money gifted by her family would be put towards their future plans, such as a down payment on a house, rather than paying off his debt.
Why Are You Marrying Him
“Ok it is time for a reality check. You are not even married yet and you are struggling financially with your fiancee. He doesn’t pull his financial weight, his debt has TRIPLED in the time you’ve been together, he has no apparent desire to work harder or smarter (better job), why oh why are you doing this to yourself? Think of this drag after 10 years, after 20? Add to it potential children and that cost. You will be drowning and he will be just poking along. Do yourself a favor and really consider if this is the life you want. NTA by the way.”
Run Away
“Not wrong, even after you figure out he’s leaching of you and divorce him, he’ll still get half of everything not a third like his income. Half of the future house you will be paying for. Red flags everywhere, cut and run!!! Like Forest Gump.”
No Way You Are NOT A Jerk
“Not a jerk … PRENUP
If he is irresponsible with money now, he will get worse later. I forsee a work injury, he will malinger, take more pot for his crippling anxiety, you will be th AH for nagging and not understanding while you work full time and he plays video games at home. Your house will be a mess because he is too depressed to live up to your unreasonable idea of cleanliness…. and maybe you will end up divorced paying him child support because he was the one around for the kids..ish. Screen shot and take a look at this in 5 years.”
What Do You Think
What do you think? Is OP being fair or too controlling? What would you do in this situation?
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The article originally appeared on Mrs. Daaku Studio.