n a heartfelt decision, a woman faced the challenging choice of prioritizing family events when she opted to skip her boyfriend’s brother’s funeral in order to attend her sister’s wedding.
A user asked, Am I wrong for not going to a funeral with my boyfriend because of my sister’s wedding?
Backstory
The Original Poster (OP) (f26) and OP’s sister, Ellie (f28), are very close. Ellie’s getting married in about 3 weeks, OP is her Maid Of Honor, and it’s all exciting but also stressful. Especially so close to the wedding, ensuring everything goes as smoothly as possible.
Jack’s Family Had A Tragedy
OP’s boyfriend Jack’s (m25) family is Canadian. They’ve recently had a family tragedy, so Jack is flying out next week to attend the funeral.
What Happened Next
Of course, OP has no issue with him going, but he also asked OP to come.
OP Denies
OP says, “I said sorry, that’s really not possible since Ellie’s wedding is coming up not long after, and it’s just a lot on my plate right now (and it’s not like a simple drive, it’s in a whole other country). I’ve been helping with a lot of the planning and generally being there for her, and Ellie doesn’t want me to go now either.”
Jack Is Upset
Jack’s been pretty upset and not talking to OP much. People that know of this are torn; some are saying OP is right, but a couple of people are telling me OP is being selfish.
You Hid Details
“Wow, you are wrong!
You specifically were vague in the post because you knew we would think so if you gave us the details. Per a comment, you and Jake have been together 5 years, and it was HIS BROTHER AND HIS FIANCE who died???
Massive jerk behavior. “Being there for the bride as the MOH 3 weeks before the wedding” is not a real excuse. I’ve been married; we’ve never leaned on our MOH or Best Man like that. Plus you can send a call or email from Canada if there is last-minute planning needed.
You are a jerk, and your sister is a jerk as well for good measure for agreeing that you shouldn’t go.”
You Are A Jerk
“You are wrong. I was almost on the other side until I saw the details. Your long-term partner lost his brother & future sister-in-law and you can’t miss a few days for the funeral?!
Even if you fly at different times, so you’re not there as long as he is, you absolutely should be there to support him through this!
My MOH helped choose her outfit & the menu. She held my flowers during the ceremony and gave a speech/toast at the reception. My sister was my MOH, and if her husband had lost his sister, I wouldn’t have cared if she missed the wedding.”
It Was Important To Her
“You are a jerk assuming your relationship with your boyfriend is serious and important to you. It sounds like this funeral is significant to your boyfriend. I am sure it would have been a lot, but yes you could have gone and supported him for the funeral and then flown back home well before the wedding festivities.”
You Know What You Did
“You are a jerk – you buried the important details in this by not mentioning how long you’ve been with your bf or who the family that died are. Yes, it’s close to the wedding. Yes, it’s a whole other country. But your long-term bf is asking for your support at a very tricky event for him.
If it were the day before or the day of, that’d be different. But it’s 3 weeks before. You can attend, even stay there to be with his family for a couple of days, and still be back in time for your sister’s wedding. Most of the planning should be done by then, and another bridesmaid can always step in to help whilst you deal with a family emergency. Bachelorette events can be adjusted if necessary; rehearsal dinners are usually much closer, bridal showers have usually already happened. You shouldn’t be missing anything.
If you don’t attend this funeral, you might as well kiss your relationship goodbye. Because, who prioritises the couple of weeks before the wedding over their serious boyfriend grieving and needing support?
(OP responded to a comment, she’s been with her bf for 5 years, and it’s bf’s brother and brother’s fiancé)”
It Does Not Even Conflict
“One of the clearest and biggest jerks I have ever seen on this site. If anyone didn’t see the comment from OP, the family tragedy was her bf’s brother and brother’s fiancee both dying. And OP has been with bf for 5 years.
The funeral does not conflict with the wedding as they are a couple weeks apart. I can’t even imagine how OP thinks it is ok to not go with her bf. Any wedding prep that needs to happen can certainly be handled by bridesmaids.
If I was OP’s bf this would 100% be a dealbreaker for me and the relationship would be over.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.