It’s your birthday, and you’ve been looking forward to it all year. You’ve communicated your expectations to your partner, and they’ve assured you that they understand. But on your birthday, they surprise you with something unexpected. How will you respond?

An internet user asked the forum, Am I the jerk for not paying my boyfriend back after he didn’t get me the right birthday cake? We want you to introspect regarding the scenario and share your thoughts in the comments section. 


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The Original Poster (OP) has a bit of a complex about this kind of stuff because of how she grew up—always with her siblings getting what they asked for while she rarely did, and generally feeling like she never “gets her turn” at things, so she thinks it will be helpful to know if she’s justified or overreacting.

What Did OP Want For Her Birthday? 

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OP and her boyfriend have been dating for ten months, and it was her birthday yesterday. She puts a lot of effort into birthdays (including his) and was pretty excited about it for the last month or so.

There is a local bakery that makes a really good-looking pineapple upside-down cake. OP has been really wanting to try it and had been saving it for her birthday.

She Told Her Boyfriend

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About a month in advance, she told her boyfriend her birthday was coming up and gave him a few activity ideas, and told him that she didn’t need a gift but she really wanted a pineapple upside down cake from XYZ Bakery, and he said “Sure.”

The Story Of The Pineapple Cake 

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OP says, “Now…I know this was probably annoying, but I did mention this specific cake several times, even before last month.

Like we would drive by the bakery, and I’d say something like “Oh hey that’s the place with the pineapple cake, I wanna do that for my birthday.” I wasn’t deliberately hammering the point home or anything (or aware that it would end in a cake-centered conflict), but there were a couple of occasions where it came up.

And then a week before my birthday I did text him a reminder about the cake so that he would have the bakery info on hand.”

What Happened Yesterday?

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Yesterday rolled around, and OP’s boyfriend came over to her apartment and gave her a gift, which is a Kindle. 

While OP thinks it was not a bad gift because she knows they are expensive, it was not something particularly relevant to her either. Then he says let’s have cake and presents what you all know by now is *not* the pineapple upside-down cake, but just a regular grocery store cake with the frosting balloons. Vanilla cake with vanilla buttercream. 

The Upside Down Cake Turned Things UPSIDE DOWN 

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OP was legitimately sad. If she knew he was gonna drop the ball on this, she would have just gotten herself a pineapple cake months ago instead of waiting. 

What Does OP Say 

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OP says, “I was on the verge of tears because of not getting the one thing I actually wanted, which was that stupid cake, so I told him I was very disappointed and that he should just go home. He had two tickets to a comedy show for that night, and one ended up going to waste.

Now he’s annoyed because it is, of course, “just a cake” and wants me to reimburse the cost of the wasted ticket. It was only about $30, but I’m bristling at the principal of it and said I didn’t owe him the money. He sent me a Venmo request for $30. Will I be a jerk if I don’t pay?”


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“I’m sick of boyfriends/husbands getting a pass on stuff like this. You clearly told him what you wanted and then he didn’t even get the cake! You asked for one thing and he couldn’t even do that right.” Said one 

“Same people who will say “I never know what to get you/what you want.” Just pay attention to your partner and it should be super easy.” Another added. 

This Post Is Painful

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“Guy: Girls are so confusing! Why can’t they just say what they’re thinking? We’re not mind-readers!

Girl: I’d love a pineapple upside-down cake for my birthday. Literally, just the cake would make me so happy. I’m saving the opportunity to try it for my birthday. Please get me that specific cake that I want for my birthday. 

Guy: Gets girl anything *but* the cake.

Girl: *Cries out of frustration*

Guy: I think you need to calm down, I don’t understand why you’re upset. 

This entire post pains me. You are not a jerk.”

It’s NOT Just About The Cake!

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“You were so specific. You’re allowed to be upset when someone disappoints you. All the people who are saying everyone’s wrong here because you got so upset about a cake don’t realize that it’s not about the cake.

It’s about him not listening to you or not caring about making your birthday what you wanted. It’s your birthday. You shouldn’t have to put on a happy face and go to a comedy show to appease the feelings of the person who hurt your feelings. And you definitely shouldn’t have to reimburse him for the tickets when it was his fault you were too upset to go.”

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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.

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