While one might assume that all parents would be overjoyed when their adult children achieve financial independence and secure employment, this is not always the case. An internet user recently asked, Am I a jerk for being upset with my son for finding a job without telling me? Read on to know what happened and don’t forget to tell what’s your take on the matter.
Backstory:
OP’s son is 18, he will be attending community college and is living with OP, her husband, and his 2 younger half-sisters.
What Happened The Other Day?
The other day, OP found out that he found and accepted a job without telling her.
OP was upset with him about it, and the reason for that is that first of all, he should’ve told her since they live in the same house and also, and more importantly, now she’s left without someone to stay with the girls from 3 to 8 where her shift start-ends. OP’s son is usually the one to stay home with the girls, and his new job is during these hours, so they are impacted one way or another.
What Did OP’s Son Tell Him?
He told OP his friend found him this job, and it just happened – but OP doesn’t think it did because he knew he had to give up staying with his sisters while OP works.
OP’s husband travels most of the time (he’s a pilot) and paid child care is a no for OP.
What Else Did The Son Say
OP’s son said she shouldn’t be surprised by him trying to work to save money to pay for himself, but OP thinks that is just absurd since he lives with them without having to pay for anything except for his entertainment.
He said he needed the job, and he wasn’t going to stay and watch his sisters for days on end, especially since he doesn’t get paid for it.
The Argument Followed
They kept arguing, and OP’s husband got involved, and he, too was upset, saying that her son had no respect for them.
OP says, “My son had a “like it or not” attitude with us and kept refusing to discuss this with us, saying we have no right to be upset with him and should just accept it. But I’m just…I think he’s being inconsiderate of my and my husband’s struggle to provide for the family. This should mean something to him, but he acted selfishly.”
Some More Context
OP later edited the post and added the following information:
Edit 1) “Okay, it seems that I did not mention why the babysitter option isn’t ideal, and is because my daughters don’t want a babysitter. They’re both dealing with some issues and are uncomfortable being with a stranger at home. Besides that, my son decided to stay with them, and we didn’t ask him.”
What Else
Edit 2) “Okay, some of you here are implying or suggesting that I’m making my son to be the girls’ babysitter, but that is in fact, not true. He doesn’t do much for them, just stays home with them while he studies or plays video games. He adores his sisters and only stays with them when he wants to. Otherwise, we wouldn’t force him. Also, my husband said the girls are too young for therapy, and I agree.”
What You’re Doing Is Absurd, Actually
“You’re the jerk; he isn’t free child care. He has his own life he needs to live, and what he is doing is bettering himself for the future. You need a better plan than forcing your kid to babysit for no money.” Said one.
“It’s “absurd” an 18-year-old would want his income…. What’s absurd is that she would expect him not to.” Another added.
He’s 18, and He NEEDS A Job
“The man is 18, he needs a job, and he doesn’t have any children; YOU have children. Stop relying on your son like he is your co-parent or partner. He is not.” Said one.
“Yes! OP is such a jerk. Her son has taken the initiative to be responsible and independent. How are these bad things? This is what all parents want for their children. He has a life to start living and cannot do that if he is expected to parent his siblings.” Another added.
He Does Not Owe You Childcare
“Oh my god, no wonder he didn’t tell you. You’re the jerk, a million times over. I wish him well saving so he can get far away. Pay someone to watch your kids or change your schedule. He’s not their provider.”
“He does not owe you childcare. He is allowed to make decisions regarding his own life and a part-time job is *absolutely* something he has a right to without consulting you first.
Take care of your own kids or pay someone else to. Full stop.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.