Demanding a child compromise on a major life decision just to make things easier for you is selfish and unacceptable.
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for trying to get my daughter to switch schools?”. We need to hear your thoughts.
Backstory
OP and her ex share custody of their 12-year-old daughter, Kelly. She was 3 when they split. They have a court order that they have to share the cost of her education (through her graduating high school) and they have a “2 yes, 1 no policy”.
They did this as they always intended for her to attend private schools, which is quite an investment. Plus, she’s both of their kid.
The Issue With Kelly’s School
Kelly’s been at a private school that focuses on STEM. It’s K-12, so she’s been there since kindergarten. She loves it. The only issue has been it’s a bit of a drive (45 minutes) and they don’t have buses.
What Does OP Say
“We’ve tried to find carpool situations, but the only person from the school in our area moved a few years ago—no relatives nearby to help. We tried hiring someone to drive her but they weren’t reliable. Still, it’s been worth the sacrifice.”, says OP.
Important note, Kelly lives with OP during the week and sees her dad on the weekends. OP is the one who brings her to and from school.
What Happened Last Year?
Last year, OP remarried. OP’s husband brought 2 children into the relationship. They’re 16 & 17. Both attend a private school in town.
Similar issue with no buses, they also don’t have their own cars as they can’t afford that. OP’s husband is a widower, so he’s their only parent.
The Tight Squeeze
OP’s husband starts work at 6 am, so it’s up to OP to get the kids to school every day. It has been a bit of a mess trying to get everyone there on time for OP.
OP’s step-children’s private school doesn’t have before or after-school programs and starts after Kelly’s.
“It’s a tight squeeze to get her there, then get back to their school.”, says OP.
OP & Her Husband’s Decision And Kelly’s Refusal To Abide By It
After much discussion, OP and her husband decided it’d be for the best for Kelly to start at her step-siblings’ school. They talked to OP’s ex about it, and he was very hesitant but said if Kelly wanted it, he’d be on board.
Kelly Doesn’t Want To
Kelly doesn’t want to. This school doesn’t have a STEM program. She doesn’t want to leave her friends. She asked why her step-siblings don’t have to move to her school, and OP said it’s because it’s more than OP’s husband can afford.
“I’d chip in, but I can’t afford to pay 2.5 tuitions (the half being what I pay for hers). Plus, they aren’t into STEM or science, which is what the school heavily focuses on.”, says OP
Kelly Isn’t Budging
Kelly is refusing to go. OP has tried talking to her, bribing her, etc. She isn’t budging. Therefore, neither is her dad. It’s frustrating and OP has voiced that.
OP even tried the compromise that it’d just be until her step-siblings graduated (2 years!!) and she said, then OP can easily put up with this for 2 years.
Now she’s been at her dad’s and says she’s not coming home until OP drops the matter. OP said she wants to talk about it more but she refuses. Is OP the jerk?
Clearly, You’re The Jerk Here
“You’re the jerk. You have a child who actually LIKES going to school, and you pull her out because of your stepchildren. Ask your husband to drive his own kids before work, instead of neglecting your own.”
Your Daughter’s Point Is Valid
“No, you didn’t. You decided it would be best for YOU. Your daughter has a valid point. Why does she have to give up everything?
Get the older kids their school permits and a used car to drive themselves to school. You’re the jerk.”
How Did He Have Everything Figured Out Before?
“Your ex-husband said he would agree IF she WANTED to. She doesn’t so he’s not agreeing. 2 yes 1 no remember. His vote is no because she didn’t want to.
Drop it and move on. Now the question becomes how did your husband magically get his 16 and 17-year-old teenagers to school before you got married and took over it. He had it figured out before.”
She Should Be Your Priority At The Moment
“Kelly is in a STEM-focused private school yet you made a decision with her step-father to relocate her to a different school because it’s more convenient for him and his children. Both you and him are total jerks. I’m glad that her father is on her side.
Kelly is 12. She should be a priority over everyone else in that family yet you’re putting everyone else before her. Why didn’t you relocate to be closer to her school? You’ve had 7 years to figure that out.
IMO Kelly should be with her dad on weekdays and you can get her on weekends since you’re willing to jeopardize her STEM education.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.