Is it okay for teenage kids to throw a tantrum and get mad at their parents for something they are responsible for? An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for refusing to stop living my life for my kids?”.
We need to know your take on the matter.
Backstory
The Original Poster (OP) got divorced a year ago. According to her, it was the best decision she ever made. OP basically got a maid for the family. It was awful, not to mention she was working at the same time.
How Has It Been Ever Since?
Overall, it has been a bit rough for OP’s kids, with the youngest being 14 and the oldest being 17. They are doing well overall, OP and her ex basically have a 50/50 split with custody.
What Does OP Say
OP says, “It’s wonderful to have ‘days off’ so much new free time when they are not home so I have been able to explore new hobbies.”
OP’s Journey Towards Self-Exploration
So, OP joined a models club. They build models and show them off, they meet once a month to show off their creations. OP loves it.
What Happened This Week?
OP’s 17-year-old messed up this week, volunteered for a bake sale, didn’t tell OP, and forgot to make cupcakes. OP was about to leave for her meeting last night, and he was panicking about not having it done.
He asked OP if she could do it, and OP told him no since she was leaving.
The Drama Ahead
OP’s son was also leaving to hang out with his friend. This morning, cupcakes were not made since OP wasn’t doing it. They got in a huge fight about OP not helping him out.
What Does OP Say
“I wasn’t putting my life on hold for a simple mistake he made. He left for his father’s, and my ex also got into an argument with me about it and called me a jerk.”, says OP.
Now OP wants to know if this is her fault.
Not Your Fault At All
“Not the jerk. It’s not your fault he volunteered to make the cupcakes, forgot to inform you of this, neglected to make the cupcakes, and then chose to hang out with his friend when he could have canceled and made the cupcakes.
Your son needs to learn how to prioritize his responsibilities over his wants (he could have canceled his plans with a friend), and learn that neglecting his responsibilities has consequences.”
He Should’ve Been More Responsible
“He’s 17, not 6. He should have asked before volunteering you. He should have told you when he volunteered you. He should have given you the date for your diary. He then should have helped you bake them.
He could quite easily have gone to the store before school to cover himself. Instead, he threw a toddler tantrum and ran to Daddy’s. Your ex should mind his business as he no longer has any say in how you run your household.”
That Just Doesn’t Make Sense
“What? He chose to hang out with his friend when he had plenty of time to make muffins, and somehow it’s your fault they didn’t get made.
How can your ex also think it’s your fault? That doesn’t make any sense.”
Reinforce The Rules
“Not the jerk. At 17, he is more than capable of making his own cupcakes. I’d circle back and go over what you will and won’t be doing going forward. Reinforce that when he makes commitments, he has to keep them, not you.”
You Could’ve Handled It Better
“Your son was irresponsible, you weren’t. He is awfully entitled, too.
But beyond that, I think you’re carrying a bit of trauma from your marriage and projecting it on your relationship with your kids.
It was as simple as saying ‘Lack of planning on your part doesn’t constitute an emergency on mine’, no need to go all dramatic about how ‘I’m not putting my life on hold for you.’ That was completely unnecessary.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.