You don’t necessarily have to respond to body shaming by body shaming, especially when you have a playful relationship with the other person wherein the two of you often engage in pranks and jokes.
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for saying to a girl ‘It’s not my fault you’re fatter than me’.”
Here’s the full story for your context.
Backstory
The Original Poster (OP) (36M) is a musician in a pretty popular cover band in his city. He is also skinny at 6 ft 130 lbs (this is relevant). One of the venues they play regularly has a server, let’s call her “Cassie” (mid 20’sF), who’s working most of the dates when they play there.
“She’s cool, and we’ve been semi-friends since I joined the band about two and a half years ago. We do joke around with each other and take part in non-flirty, witty banter and telling jokes or funny stories.”, says OP.
What’s Happening Over The Last Six Months?
Over the last 6 months, Cassie has referred to OP as ‘Scrawny’ on three separate occasions. One of those occasions was when he injured his ankle while loading in at that venue and it was significantly swollen by the end of the night.
OP was sitting down, looking at his ankle when she walked by and asked her if his ankle looked swollen to her. She didn’t really look and just said “I can’t tell, you’re so scrawny!”
This Past Saturday’s Incident
Now this past Saturday, as they finished with the gig and were loading out, OP was walking in her direction as she was walking towards him. When she got close, OP did one of those fake-lunging motions at her to make her flinch and he really scared her.
She kind of yelped, laughed, then walked up to the husband of one of the band members, who’s also a good friend of OP, and gestured towards OP saying “That scrawny guy over there almost made me pee my pants!”
The Problematic Exchange Of Comments
“Granted, I may be the jerk for scaring her like that, but believe me, we both partake in little pranks like that on each other. So when she was nearby shortly after that, I asked her in a no-attitude and non-confrontational way ‘Hey, why do you keep referring to me as scrawny?’
Her response: ‘Well that’s because you ARE scrawny!’
OP said: ‘Well, it’s not MY fault you’re fatter than me!’.”
Did OP Purposefully Do That?
Yes, OP purposefully said that, knowing damn well how that sounds. No, she isn’t fat AT ALL. Not that it really matters.
But since it had been the third time she used that term on OP, unprovoked until this most recent time, OP figured it was kind of the time to retaliate.
The Final Fuss
Once OP said what he said, her face dropped and she responded with “You rephrase that RIGHT now!”
OP said: “Uhh, no.” She walked away.
“Instead of continuing with how we resolved this, I figured I would just leave it as is and ask am I a jerk?
Most people, including my girlfriend, I’ve told are on the fence and I’ve lost sleep over this; I am NOT this kind of person, but sometimes I can go too far when I think I’m sticking up for myself.”, says OP.
OP asks if he is a jerk.
You Just Escalated The Situation
“Everyone’s awful here. You could have avoided being a jerk though by asking her to stop calling you scrawny first, instead you just escalated the situation.”
You Both Are In The Wrong
“Everyone’s in the wrong. She should not call you scrawny all the time. But you could have just told her you don’t like that and it makes you feel bad. I don’t think she meant anything bad by it.
Your response though was deliberately mean. Without trying to explain your problem to her first.”
You Ruined Your Friendship
“You’re the jerk. She thought you guys were good friends poking friendly fun at each other, and by the sound of this, you made no attempt whatsoever to make it clear that you weren’t comfortable being called scrawny.
That’s why you’re the jerk because you pulled this out of nowhere rather than try to politely ask her not to call you scrawny, you instantly went to being mean for no reason.
Clearly, you had a fairly good friendly relationship, and from her perspective, you just randomly snapped and bit her head off seemingly out of nowhere.”
Body shaming Is NOT DONE
“Everyone’s in the wrong. She is really rude for commenting on your appearance and ‘scrawny’ certainly isn’t a pleasant descriptor.
However, she may not have intended any malice. In a misguided way, maybe she thought she was complimenting how slim you are. (I’m being generous here, I know!) What I’m saying is, you could have approached it without deliberately trying to hurt her feelings.
Personally, I think everyone should mind their own business and keep all comments about other people’s bodies to themselves. I can’t see that being a reality in the near future but I live in hope.”
More From Mrs Daaku Studio
- Image Credits: Artazum, Shutterstock
Thrift stores and goodwill stores are great, but there are many weird instances of people finding things. Read – Goodwill Workers Share 16 “Weirdest” Things They’ve Ever Found, It’s Hilarious!
She Demands Her Sister Stop Wearing Silk Nightgowns. Says It’s Inappropriate. Should She Just Stop Wearing Them?
- Image Credits: Deposit Photos
Sisters can be difficult sometimes, and here is one case for you to judge. Read – She Demands Her Sister Stop Wearing Silk Nightgowns. Says, “It’s Inappropriate.” Should She Just Stop Wearing Them?
Father Corrects Teacher’s Pronunciation of Daughter’s Name, School Accuses Him of Questioning Authority
- Image Credits: Deposit Photos.
Schools can act arbitrarily sometimes, and here is a case. Read how this Father Corrects the Teacher’s Pronunciation of Daughter’s Name, School Accuses Him of ‘Questioning Authority’. Does This Make Sense?
He Inherited His Brother’s Insurance and 401K, Refused To Share It With Brother’s Widow and Kids. Thinks He Is Right
- Image Credit; Deposit Photos
He Inherited His Brother’s Insurance and; 401K. Refused To Share It With Brother’s Widow and Kids. Thinks He Is Right.Read more.
Woman Cancels Credit Card After Boyfriend REFUSES to Return It, Is This Financial Abuse?
- Image Credits: Roman Samborskyi, Shutterstock
Woman Cancels Credit Card After Boyfriend REFUSES to Return It. Is This Financial Abuse? We think it is, but we need to hear from you. Read here.This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.
More From Mrs Daaku Studio
Thrift stores and goodwill stores are great, but there are many weird instances of people finding things. Read – Goodwill Workers Share 16 “Weirdest” Things They’ve Ever Found, It’s Hilarious!
She Demands Her Sister Stop Wearing Silk Nightgowns. Says It’s Inappropriate. Should She Just Stop Wearing Them?
Sisters can be difficult sometimes, and here is one case for you to judge. Read – She Demands Her Sister Stop Wearing Silk Nightgowns. Says, “It’s Inappropriate.” Should She Just Stop Wearing Them?
Father Corrects Teacher’s Pronunciation of Daughter’s Name, School Accuses Him of Questioning Authority
Schools can act arbitrarily sometimes, and here is a case. Read how this Father Corrects the Teacher’s Pronunciation of Daughter’s Name, School Accuses Him of ‘Questioning Authority’. Does This Make Sense?
He Inherited His Brother’s Insurance and 401K, Refused To Share It With Brother’s Widow and Kids. Thinks He Is Right
He Inherited His Brother’s Insurance and; 401K. Refused To Share It With Brother’s Widow and Kids. Thinks He Is Right.Read more.
Woman Cancels Credit Card After Boyfriend REFUSES to Return It, Is This Financial Abuse?
Woman Cancels Credit Card After Boyfriend REFUSES to Return It. Is This Financial Abuse? We think it is, but we need to hear from you. Read here.This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.