Some people find their life and their work so amusing and superior to others that they’d leave no stone un-turned to ridicule others or put them down!

An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for shaming my ‘alpha-male’ boyfriend about his job?”. Here’s the full story for your context.


couple happy
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Around a year ago, the Original Poster (OP) (19F) moved to the US for university. In OP’s first week, there she met her now (21M) boyfriend. However, 6 months ago, he dropped out to start a drop shipping business, (he was a sociology major for context).

What Does OP Say

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“I tried to persuade him to stay in school for a backup plan but he explained to me that the drop shipping market is huge and he’ll make more money than he would if he got his degree.”, says OP.

What Happened A While Ago

Depressed man closing his eyes while his angry wife shouting
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A while ago, OP got a waitressing job at a very popular food chain, if OP said the name it’s likely a lot of people would know it (and for context, OP’s work is the first location in the chain).

What Does OP Says 

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“I won’t lie, I make minimum wage, but decent with the tipping. My boyfriend’s business actually makes decent money (around $3000-$4000 per month).”, says OP.

This sounds good but OP’s boyfriend has a terrible attitude and thinks everyone still in school, has a job paying less than him or doesn’t own their own business is inferior, he also considers himself an ‘alpha male’ and continuously watches business lessons on YouTube shorts.

The Fight Begins

Sad pensive couple thinking of relationships problems sitting on sofa, conflicts in marriage, upset couple after fight dispute, making decision of breaking up get divorced
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Yesterday, OP and her boyfriend got into a fight.

It all started when OP got home from work and was going to tell him about how they got a surprise visit from a worker at their restaurant and how they got along so well. The first thing he said was “How old is she? What’s her salary? Hah, it must be $7.50 an hour.”

OP told him that she was around OP’s grandmother’s age and he started berating her for still working at her age and how she still doesn’t have enough money to retire.

All Hell Broke Loose

Abusive relationships. Interracial unhappy family couple come arguing at home, angry African American young man husband abuser yelling screaming at upset crying wife. Verbal abuse concept
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OP was getting really irritated at him and decided to tell him the rest of the story about her, “She and her husband founded the chain, they’re probably multi-millionaires, they’ve earned more than you will probably ever make with your ‘business’.”

What Did He Say

Frustrated young girl shrugging shoulders isolated over gray background. I do not know where to spend her vacation, what destination to choose.
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OP definitely said more but she can’t remember what exactly. OP thinks he started crying because he stopped talking and locked himself in the bathroom. The last thing he said to OP was “Can you actually stop shaming me? My job pays for our rent!”

What Does OP Say?

Angry Young African Man Screaming At Woman
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“I feel so horrible about what I said but I just thought he needed to understand that making fun of people’s jobs is terrible, I also understand that I do live with him and his job definitely lets us live more comfortably than the average people our age.”, says OP.

Now OP wants to know is she is a jerk.

It’s Only Going To Get Worse

business, startup, fail, deadline and people concept - creative team with computer and files solving problem in office
Image Credits: Deposit Photos.

“Not the jerk. Do you really want to be involved in a long-term relationship with someone who feels the need to put everyone else down in order to feel good about himself? He’s already turning that attitude on you since you make less money than him, and it’s only going to get worse.

If you want a happy partnership, look for a man who is capable of respecting other people and regarding them with kindness.”

Fair Enough!

elationship difficulties, conflict and emotions concept - unhappy couple having argument
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“The guy is strutting around like a god who clearly thinks you should be grateful for how well his business is doing and belittling others not in that position. If his business doesn’t work out he’ll be in a weaker position than someone with a degree.

I think it’s fair game to put him in his place even if the way you did it was reactive and insulting. Not the jerk.”

You Just Gave Him A Chance To Mend His Ways

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“Not the jerk. He probably feels a sense of pride from standing out relative to his peers. You challenging that haughtiness gives him a chance to reflect and, hopefully, humble himself.”

He Is Barely Middle Class!

Unhappy couple not talking after an argument in bed at home.
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“Not the jerk. Not that being rich would excuse his behavior. But $4000 a month is $48,000 a year, and this dude thinks he’s Bill Gates or something. He is barely middle class. Embarrassing.”

The Alpha Male Culture Is Incredibly Toxic!

Couple arguing with each other on white background.
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“Your boyfriend sounds like he has a major lack of self-esteem and is using the alpha male thing to try and make up for it. The whole alpha male subculture is incredibly toxic and if he continues watching those videos he is going to become more and more of a jerk. If he is someone you really care about, try to get him out now.”

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