Childcare is a shared responsibility, but some people still expect mothers to do it all. This is a double standard that needs to change. Mothers should not be expected to do all of the childcare, just as fathers should not be expected to do all of the work.
An internet user recently asked, Am I a jerk for asking for a morning off from my baby on the weekends? Here’s the complete story for you to conclude.
Backstory
OP and his wife have a six-month-old baby girl. His wife is mostly a SAHM, she works two half days a week and her sister watches the baby. OP works full-time and goes to school one day a week. They’ve always had an arrangement where she takes care of the household duties (cooking, cleaning, and now baby care) while OP happily supports her monetarily.
What Does OP Say
OP says, “Honestly, we are both living our dream life and my wife does an absolutely spectacular job taking care of me and our little one.”
What Happens On The Weekends?
On the weekends, they share the baby duty.
They usually make sure each gets their own alone time to do whatever they want. However, their girl has hit a bit of a sleep regression, waking up every two hours–since OP’s wife breastfeeds, she’s always taken care of the baby full-time overnight. OP’s wife is a light sleeper and unfortunately has insomnia, whereas OP is a deep sleeper and wouldn’t wake up for baby cries anyways.
What’s Been Happening Recently?
Recently OP’s wife has been asking him to wake up with the baby both days on the weekends so she can get an extra hour of sleep. Baby wakes up around 7 am. OP gets the baby dressed and takes over for that hour.
What Does OP Say
OP says, “But sometimes, I want to be the one that gets to sleep in an extra hour. I brought this up to her and she says while she’s happy to let me nap during the day, she really needs that hour because she can’t nap as I can.”
The Argument
They got into an argument about it, and she said OP is being very insensitive when he knows she is very exhausted and can’t nap during the day, and she struggles going back to sleep every time the baby wakes up. But OP thinks he’s exhausted too; work wears him out, school days are long… and he sometimes wants an hour in the morning.
What Does OP Say
“I don’t want to spend my off time napping, I want to play video games and chill out. I’ve gotten mixed opinions on who is in the wrong here, or if there even is anyone in the wrong. Am I the jerk for asking us to share mornings off for sleep?” Asks OP.
You Want A Morning Off, Give Her A Night Off
“You’re the jerk, if she’s taking all the night duty because you don’t wake up, then you get the morning duty when you do wake up so she can catch up on her lost sleep in the night. You want a morning off; give her a night off.”
You Don’t Think She Wants To “Chill Out”?!
“You don’t think she wants just to chill out and do something on her own time? She’s working too by not just going to work but also taking care of the baby. The least you could do is give her some time to sleep in. She’s right; you can nap and do whatever, she can’t. And unless you’re going to offer to take over the feeding through formula, the ONLY time she gets a break is if the baby is sleeping or she’s off to work.
Give up your extra hour of sleep; give it to your wife, who does so much.”
Try Taking Her Place, Maybe?
“She works PT, takes care of the baby, has to do all the housework, has to do all of the night feedings, can’t sleep…. but sure, you’d like an hour.”
You Have No Idea How Much She Does
“You are out of the house all week, and you do what, spend one hour a day “helping” to take care of your kid? And would like more time to play games? You have no idea what her day looks like, do you? Take three days off, and send her on a mini vacay to sleep somewhere, and see all the stuff that she does daily, on repeat.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.