Sometimes I need a break and some space to myself. So what if I want to take a week-long vacation alone, away from my partner and children? Is that right? We want to hear from you.
Backstory
The Original Poster (OP) (32F) and OP’s partner (37M) are in disagreement. He thinks OP is selfish for considering this. OP doesn’t think she is. He suggested that OP post here to see what you all say.
Background
They have been together for 12 years. OP’s partner has two responsibilities in terms of the house. He walks the dogs in the morning, and he goes to work full-time (8-6). More often than not, he falls asleep at 8 pm. He works in IT.
They have three children (7, 4, 2), and OP is fully responsible for their care and every household duty, including laundry, cooking, and cleaning. She is a SAHM, but also self-employed, so after OP looks after the children all day, OP then works for a couple of hours on the laptop.
What Happened Next
OP’s birthday is coming up. OP asked her partner what he would think if she booked herself a week’s vacation on my birthday and went on her own.
How Did He React?
OP says, “If he could use his PTO to take time off to look after and spend the week with our three children – taking them to school and caring for the house. He told me I was selfish. “It’s selfish to want to go on holiday for a week for my birthday?” He said yes.”
OP’s Husband Doesn’t Work Much
OP’s partner hasn’t done a load of laundry in ten years. He cooks dinner ‘occasionally’ (2x a month). He doesn’t hoover, mop, or mow lawns.
What Does OP Say
OP says, “I get it; he’s tired and works full time, but I work too, and I don’t feel appreciated. I want a week where I don’t have to placate a crying child, stop the toddler from running into traffic, or worry about everyone else’s good time while sacrificing my own.”
What Else?
The last time OP spent time away from the children/house was when they went out for dinner for his birthday in March (After they were asleep. I organized the babysitter). Oh, and my pap smear, which he tried to make OP take the children to even though he was home.
The holiday would be paid for entirely by OP. He gets 28 days of PTO, not including bank holidays. Last year, he lost 12 PTO days because he didn’t take them. (We’re in the UK)
OP wants to know if she is a jerk
Unbalanced Relationship
“You’re not a SAHM. You have a part-time job. Your division of home labor is insanely unbalanced, and all of it falls to you.
Of course your husband refuses to let you take a holiday, he’d have to actually lift a finger to parent his own children if you did.
Please, for your own sake, book that holiday and inform him you will be going. Perhaps if he had to do a fraction of everything you’d done for years he’d finally see how unfair he’s been to you. Not a jerk, and some food for thought.
You Need Couple’s Therapy
“I’m not sure you need a holiday as much as you need couples therapy tbh. This sounds like a hugely unfair setup and no wonder you are feeling so burned out.
He’s not pulling his weight at all here – sounds completely draining to be married to a partner who does so little and apparently is willing to do so little more (take your kids to an invasive medical test?! No thanks). I think you need to address that underlying issue.
You’re not a jerk for wanting the holiday but it’s a symptom of a much bigger problem.”
There is Nothing Wrong About Wanting Time Off
“Not a jerk, there is nothing wrong about wanting time alone and being responsible for only yourself. In fact, it could be beneficial for everyone. When people burn out, it affects everyone around them. If your partner is adamant about a whole week, perhaps they’ll be amenable to a three day weekend. I hope you get a much needed break.”
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This article originally appeared on Mrs. Daaku Studio.