It is good to have clear boundaries on money as a couple, but what if one takes the other for granted. It is sure to create some tiff.
A Redditor asked, AITA, Am I wrong for using my wife’s fun budget to help out friends and family? We want to know what you think, and here is the full story for you:
Backstory:
The Original Poster (OP) is the sole breadwinner in the family. According to OP his wife had the more challenging job of being a stay-at-home mom and wrangling their offspring, and she worked hard to ensure they had everything they needed.
Their budget is pretty simple. They used to put away about 15% of OP’s monthly earnings, then paid all the bills. Whatever is left, they split it between both of them and could use their share however they want.
OP liked to use his share to work on his hobbies or treat the family to a night out. OP pays for the babysitter and whatever activity they do that night. OP’s wife uses her share to go to a spa or to buy herself pretty things that made her happy.
Every once in a while, OP’s would ask if he could send money to her family. Not because her family is homeless or anything, but they earn less than OP’s family.
Last November, OP’s wife asked if they could give her brother $500 for him to get his kids a PS5 for Christmas. OP told her they could, but it would be the last time he contributed money to give away to people who just asked her for it.
What Happened Next?
In January, one of her friend’s cars had a problem, and she needed to rent a car to run errands and drive her kids around. OP’s wife gave her money from her share of the savings.
When she told OP about it, OP said that he was proud of her for sticking to their agreement that any money she decided to give away would come from her share of fun money.
According to OP, she looked really sour and asked if OP was really not going to help her pay for her spa day with her friends. OP said yes because he had already spent his money on a new drone.
The wife asked if they could take money from their savings account to pay. OP clarified that the money was for emergencies and household expenses.
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How OP’s Wife Reacted?
OP’s wife was mad at OP for not helping her friend. OP pointed out that she could have kept her money and driven her friend around on errands to pick up her kids. The wife said that OP was being a jerk and slammed the door.
Was OP correct to refuse to give money? Was it inappropriate for OP’s wife to give away her money and then ask to withdraw from savings? How would you have reacted in this situation?