A father told his son that he would inherit his estate only if he agreed to take care of his disabled sister.
A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for telling my son he will not get anything in the will if he doesn’t take care of his sister.”. Read the story till the end to know who is wrong here.
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster (OP) has two children, Jack and Marge.
Marge is disabled and can’t look after herself. OP is 56, he and his wife take care of her at the moment.
WHAT’S HIS BIGGEST WORRY?
OP’s nephew is helping him with this and they are about to finalize OP’s will.
OP and his wife’s biggest worry is that when they die, their daughter won’t be taken care of.
He says that their family has a good amount of money; it is enough that one could probably get by without working for the rest of your life and still have money left over.
THEY ARE FORTUNATE
He also added that they are very fortunate and just got lucky for many things (They bought cheap houses long ago and are now worth a ton due to the location).
WHAT’S THEIR WILL?
They made their will that Jack only gets the money if he takes care of his sister.
If he doesn’t, he doesn’t get the money, and it will go to his nephew, who has the same condition.
WHAT WAS OP’S BELIEF?
They have a few other backups, but he knows his nephew would do it if his son didn’t.
He said that he came up today asking what would happen to Marge when they die, and he explained since he didn’t want to lie, it would be a shock when they are dead. His son is annoyed, and the family is split, so he comes here.
TRUST IS NOT SAFE OPTION
OP says trust isn’t a safe option; there is a huge chance the money can be taken to her due to the laws surrounding it. He says that they are not in the USA. They talked to multiple lawyers. This is the sad test option for her.
Now OP wants to know if he is a jerk for asking his son to take care of his disabled sister after his death.
YOU ARE FORCING YOUR SON
“You are a jerk. Providing for your disabled child can be done by setting up a trust. Coercing your son to do this is not the answer.”
IT IS SO BAD
“You can do what you like. But it seems bad to tie an inheritance to his decision to be a caregiver.
My bet is that for much of his life, she was the one who got a lot of attention and now, even if death, you’ll be putting her first.”
YOU ARE TRYING TO CONTROL YOUR SON’S LIFE
“You are a jerk, and frankly, if your money comes with conditions that are tantamount to emotional blackmail, I’d tell you to keep your money. I also would be keeping you at arm’s length in the future.
Not because you weren’t giving me money, that’s your choice, but because you thought it was okay to try and control my future in that way and that I could be bought.””
YOU ARE CONTROLLING FROM THE GRAVE
“You are a jerk. Another parent is trying to control things from the grave.”
YOU MUST MAKE ARRANGEMENTS
“You are a jerk. You need to make arrangements by yourself and tie the money to it. Do not force your other kid to become the nurse of his sister for the rest of his life.”
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