Insecurities can be a major roadblock in relationships, especially when they lead to hurtful behavior.
A netizen recently asked, Am I a jerk for telling my fiance to get her insecurities in check and grow up after she humiliated my coworker? Keep on reading to know what happened.
Backstory:
Recently, the Original Poster (OP) (25m) engaged his fiancee (24f) Amy. He was the happiest he had ever been when Amy said yes and was nothing but excited about their wedding. They started planning the venues, the dates, and the invites.
When talking about who to invite, they both agreed to invite their coworkers as they have worked in their respective jobs for years and like them all.
OP’s Fiance’s Unjust Demand & Her Excuse Behind It
As OP checked that off the list, Amy said everyone from his job could come except his work friend Tally (26f). Tally is also one of OP’s close friends so this surprised him that Amy didn’t want to invite her.
She Didn’t Want Him to Invite His Best Friend
OP says, “She has met Tally multiple times, and there didn’t seem to be any issues.”
When OP asked why, she said she doesn’t like her and finds their friendship uncomfortable, saying she thinks that Tally is the type of person to try to sway taken men and be the center of attention.
OP’s Suggestion
OP says, “After talking some more to see where she got this idea, it turned out this was based on nothing but Tally’s looks as even Amy admitted that Tally is always very kind to her. But still, Amy is adamant about Tally not going and said that she makes her insecure. Amy is a beautiful woman so I don’t know why she feels this way.”
What Did OP Told Amy
OP told Amy that if it makes her feel comfortable not having Tally at the wedding, then that is fine, BUT before invitations go out he wanted to speak to her privately to let her know to save embarrassment. Amy agreed and that was really that, they didn’t speak on the matter after.
A Week Or So Later
A week or so later, OP went to work and Tally started to ignore him, only really talking if it was work-related. OP was confused as it isn’t just her, their coworkers have started to ignore her and are acting strange to OP.
So OP contacted her BF, only for him to be sarcastic on the phone. OP asked what the problem was when he asked if OP actually didn’t know what happened. He then filled OP in.
It Turned Out
Turned out that a few days earlier, Amy had come to OP’s work on his day off with invitations (OP had no idea she even made them yet) and handed everyone an invite in front of Tally, then saying to Tally “You aren’t invited, women like you aren’t welcome” which has sparked everyone suggesting Tally is OP’s “other woman”.
Since then Tally has been harassed by some guys at work and shunned by the women. She is now looking for another job.
What Did OP Do Next?
This frustrated OP, and he apologized profusely as he didn’t know. When OP got home that night, he confronted Amy about this.
She denied it at first but then told OP she did it, but it is now not an issue because she’s quitting her job. OP flipped on her saying how she clearly didn’t trust him to say and that she crossed a line doing all this behind his back. She didn’t see the problem and got upset asking OP why he was so mad, him responding “If we are really going to get married, get your insecurities in check and grow up”.
OP stayed at a friend’s place since but has had texts from Amy, her friends and her mother saying he was a jerk for this and that Amy doesn’t deserve this treatment.
“Am I the jerk?” Asks OP.
Red Flags Everywhere
“Not the jerk. Red flags everywhere. I’d put your wedding on hold. This behavior won’t improve.” Said one.
“THIS. OP, your “amazing” fiancé just showed you who she really is. Believe her and walk away because what she did was cruel. I also bet she didn’t tell her friends and family the truth about what she did. Please update us. I’m more concerned about Tally than Amy at this point.” Another added.
Why Do You Want To Marry This Person?
“Your fiance *planned* how she would humiliate *your friend* after she forced you into not inviting her to your wedding. Your fiance is an insecure, jealous child.
Why do you want to marry this person?”
She’d Probably Do It Again!
“Holy molly. She harassed an innocent woman and went behind your back, then lied when you confronted her about it.
There are so many red flags. If you ever have a female friend, she’ll probably do it again. You should reevaluate your relationship and see if this is something you want in your future.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.