Life often presents us with unexpected situations forcing us to make decisions that may not sound sensible.
A user asked, Am I wrong for going to work while my wife was having her appendix out?
The Original Poster (OP) is a 31-year-old with a wife who is a 32-year-old female. OP’s wife was having a ton of terrible abdominal pain last weekend.
He Drove Her To Urgent Care
He drove her to urgent care Saturday morning–she didn’t want to go, but he basically made her. Urgent care made her go to the ER where they determined that her appendix needed to come out that day.
She Called Her Mom
She called her mom before surgery. Her mom must have told both of OP’s parents as well because all three (her mom and OP’s mom and dad) ended up at the hospital to be with her during her surgery.
What Happened With The OP?
Now, here’s where the conflict lies…OP was scheduled for work at 5 pm that night. He just started a new job that pays well. He only started it a couple of weeks ago, so he is new at it.
He Didn’t Want To Call In
He didn’t want to call in. They probably would have been cool with it, given the circumstances but he still didn’t want to do it. He didn’t even have the PTO for it; he would have either had to take the day unpaid or gone negative on my PTO.
So, while my wife was having the surgery, he went to work and pulled his shift.
What Does The Wife Feel?
His wife is upset with him. She is accusing him of “abandoning” her. But he thinks that is unfair. She was having a completely routine surgery, and she had plenty of company and support.
What Does OP Say
OP says, “It was unfortunate that I couldn’t be there, and I feel bad about it, but it’s not as if I’m a surgeon and could have made a difference. I had to work, period, and I’m too new to call in. The timing sucked, but my wife’s health outcomes were the same.
Her mother gets it, and so does my father. But my mom thinks I should have called in.”
OP asks, am I a jerk? Here is what Redditors think of this:
It Was Important For Her
“You’re wrong. It was important to her that you be there. That’s your wife having surgery, man. You could have taken off work – all but the absolute worst workplaces would understand, “My wife is having urgent surgery,” – but you prioritized your job over your wife.”
There Is No Benefit
“This isn’t about priorities, it’s risks vs benefits. There is no benefit to anyone sitting in a waiting room during someone’s surgery if they risk losing pay or potentially their job.
People leave the waiting room/hospital for lots of reasons during their loved ones surgery. Sitting at the hospital, going home to care for kids or being at work would not change the outcome for OP’s wife.
Also, if OP has no PTO the better plan would be to work during the surgery when there’s nothing for him to do & then ask for time off once his wife is out of surgery & actually needs help & support from him.
eta — also wife had 3 family members sitting in the hospital waiting room for when she woke up. No one was abandoned.
eta more — hospitals do not need families to be sitting in the waiting room to care for sick people. During 2020 – no one but staff & patients were allowed in hospital buildings”
“Not a jerk, appendix removal is a little intervention not a surgery, at 30 yo there is no reason to have the entire family there at all, its childish”
“Not a jerk – you being there would have zero impact on the surgery. I understand not wanting to take time off to soon after starting a job. She will be home after 24-48hrs and can help her recover.”
It’s NOT Minor
“You are a jerk. People can die during appendix surgery. There can be so many complications. How would you have felt if she died and you were at work?”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.