Many people find themselves in blended families at some point in their lives.
This can be a wonderful experience for everyone involved, but it can also be challenging. One of the biggest challenges can be dealing with a stepdad who is not kind or supportive.
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for telling my son’s ‘stepdad’ to stay away from my kid and leave me alone?”. Read the complete story to know more and let us know what you think in the comments section!
Backstory
Original Poster, OP and his ex-wife had one son, Albert. When they split up, they both remarried.
OP remarried his current wife, and they have a daughter and a son. OP’s ex remarried as well, and she had two sons. However, she ended up divorcing her husband and remarrying again and having another kid.
“So, we’ll call her second husband Carl and her current husband Dan,” says OP.
What’s The Problem?
Now, here’s the problem. Carl is OP’s ex-wife’s ex-husband. He is not related to OP’s son. He’s just Albert’s former (emphasis on former) stepfather.
Carl really wants to maintain a relationship with Albert, but apparently, OP’s ex told him to kick rocks and that the only kids he is entitled to see are his biological ones.
What Did Carl Eventually Do?
Carl eventually decided that since he wasn’t making headway with OP’s ex, he would go through OP.
OP shut that down. OP hardly knows Carl, and what little he does know of him irritates him. Carl told OP he bonded with Albert and doesn’t want him to have abandonment issues.
OP talked to Albert. He feels no abandonment issues and when OP asked him if he missed Carl, he said no.
OP’s ‘Supposedly’ Insensitive Statement
Carl said OP is an insensitive jerk. He asked OP how he would feel if he was told he could never see one of his kids again. OP said Albert isn’t one of his kids, so stay away from him and leave OP alone.
OP’s wife said he was a little intense with his statement, and she kind of understands where Carl is coming from because if they were ever to (God forbid) split up, she would miss Albert too.
OP’s Thoughts
“I don’t see how that is my problem. My ex is the one who married him, not me. He needs to talk to her. Apparently, Dan hates Carl and that’s why Carl can’t see Albert, but why is that my issue? I feel no obligation to this man. Am I the jerk for that?”, asks OP.
What Matters Most Is What Albert Thinks
“Not the jerk. What matters most is what Albert thinks. He doesn’t want a relationship with that guy so that’s all you need to know.”
Carl Needs To Deal With It
“Not the jerk. It’s awful if he feels attached to your son, but your son doesn’t feel the same way and that’s what is important. You would be a jerk if your son still wanted contact… but you’ve asked him and he said he’s not that attached to Carl.
You and your ex-wife are both allowed to tell him to screw off. Sometimes you get attached to someone, and they don’t feel the same way, and you just have to deal with that in life. Carl may be attached, but Albert isn’t.”
Looks Like A Huge Red Flag
“Not the jerk. It’s a little concerning to me that he’s being SO persistent about seeing your son. If it was a stepparent the kid was especially close to me. I could see it, but your kid clearly doesn’t care about this guy so it’s sending all kinds of red flags to me.”
Albert Shouldn’t Be Forced
“Not the jerk. If Albert is not missing Carl or wants to hang out with him, then Albert shouldn’t be forced to spend time with Carl because it is what Carl wants to do a nd you’re right to steer clear of whatever drama Carl wants to stir up with the ex-wife.”
This Is 100% Your Ex’s Issue
“Not the jerk. This is 100% your ex’s issue. As you note there is no legal or biological reason for this and more importantly (though not determinative) Albert does not want this.
Carl can be mad, but that’s between him and your ex and we can see how that worked out. Block him.”
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